Jewish World Review June 8, 2005 / 1 Sivan, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The U.S. Senate announced on Monday it will apologize to
African-Americans for never passing any legislation that banned
lynching. It doesn't matter now. What matters now is getting it
passed before the Michael Jackson jury reaches its verdict.
Tom Cruise jumped up and down on Oprah's couch proclaiming
his love for some actress Friday. Then he thanked Scientology. Tom
Cruise is so close to hitting the last note in Pop Goes the Weasel
that Court TV has him penciled in for September.
The Detroit Pistons will play the San Antonio Spurs for the
NBA championship starting this week. It must be over within ten
days. The NBA is never televised on Father's Day in order to help
make witness identification as difficult as possible.
Howard Dean told a crowd Friday that Republicans have never
done an honest day's work in their lives. It's part of his
populist rant. He added that the Democrats speak the language
American workers understand, which would be Hindustani.
Senator Harry Reid told Rolling Stone Friday that President
Bush is a loser and a liar. He apologized on Monday for calling
him a loser. If the atmosphere in Washington D.C. were any more
poisoned, asthmatics would mistake it for Los Angeles.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Argus Hamilton