Jewish World Review June 7, 2005 / 29 Iyar, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
George Lucas signed a deal to allow his Star Wars characters
to endorse Major League Baseball. We know how he works. He'll wait
until the third week of ads before he reveals why Cal Ripken
crossed over to the Dark Side and became George Steinbrenner.
The Washington Nationals shocked the baseball world Sunday
by reaching first place. They belong in the capital. Every time
they get ahead in the first inning manager Frank Robinson walks up
to the microphone and declares Mission Accomplished.
Jack Nicklaus played his last PGA round at the Memorial on
Friday. The first day he hit a woman in the head with his tee shot
and sent her to the hospital. For the rest of the tournament
nobody had to be told to turn off their cell phones.
Michael Jackson was rushed to the Santa Barbara hospital
emergency room with back pain Sunday. Security guards were posted
at the front door and back door and in all the hallways. There's
no way he was going to get near the pediatric ward.
Tony Blair flies to Washington today to meet with President
Bush. It follows a meeting in Berlin between the German and French
presidents. Oddsmakers in Las Vegas refuse to post a point spread
until Russia decides whose side it is on.
Joan Felt said Sunday finances were a consideration in her
father Mark Felt's decision to admit he was Deep Throat. She has
no business exploiting a once-great FBI agent for cash profits
through humiliating book deals. That's Bob Woodward's job.
John Edwards told reporters in Nashville Saturday he hasn't
decided if he will run for president. It's a financial call for
him. John Edwards is a personal injury attorney and he has been
waiting to see if the Koran is entitled to a lawyer.
Al Gore gave a speech to mayors in San Francisco on
Saturday. He said global warming will soon cause deadly storms,
deadly heat waves, deadly diseases and deadly flooding. San
Franciscans get this warning from Southerners all the time but
usually it's about their lifestyles.
Saddam Hussein's trial judge said Sunday the former Iraqi
dictator is really depressed. Judge Raid Juhi said Saddam has
suffered a collapse in his morale. He expected much younger women
to respond to those pictures of him in his underwear.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton