Jewish World Review June 2, 2005 / 24 Iyar, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Former FBI official Mark Felt said Tuesday he was Deep
Throat in the Watergate scandal thirty years ago. Young people are
clueless on Deep Throat. All they can conclude is that the
relationship between oral sex and impeachment cannot be denied.
Mark Felt said Tuesday as Deep Throat he gave clues to Bob
Woodward and Carl Bernstein about Watergate. They made history
together. Thanks to their fine work, Richard Nixon is the number-
one selling Halloween mask for thirty consecutive years.
Iraqi president Jalal Talabani said Tuesday Saddam Hussein
could go on trial in two months. His chances of acquittal are
improving. If polls have taught us nothing else it's that
everybody loves a president who runs around in his underwear.
Movie star Christian Slater was arrested in New York Monday
and charged with sexual assault for groping a woman he was walking
past on the street. The charge is serious. If convicted he could
get four to eight years as governor of California.
Indy 500 sensation Danica Patrick was accused by Robbie
Gordon of having an unfair weight advantage in Sunday's race. The
heavier the driver, the worse the mileage. America's fondness for
Twinkies is playing right into Saudi Arabia's hands.
Tony Blair flies to Washington Tuesday to meet President
Bush. He can expect a formal state welcome. When Tony Blair is met
by President Bush at the airplane they will stand at attention as
the Marine Band plays You and Me Against the World.
Johnny Depp bought a cannon Tuesday to fire Hunter
Thompson's ashes over his ranch, as requested by the writer. The
cannon will be mounted upon a one-hundred-fifty-foot tower. At the
end of the ceremony a torch will be passed to Charlie Sheen.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton