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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review June 1, 2005 / 23 Iyar, 5765

Scientists seek explanation for Paris Hilton

By Andy Borowitz


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Hotel heiress' popularity the subject of Oslo conference

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Over two thousand of the world's leading scientists converged on Oslo, Norway to attend a conference devoted to one of modern science's most baffling phenomena, the continuing popularity of hotel heiress Paris Hilton.


In recent years Ms. Hilton's worldwide fame has puzzled scientists, who have been at a loss to explain the gathering celebrity of a person who by most measures does not possess a distinctive talent, ability or personality.


But as the hotel heiress' popularity has reached critical mass over the past twelve months, some of the most prominent voices in the scientific community called for the Oslo conference, which had been originally slated to discuss global warming, to focus on Ms. Hilton's career instead.


The University of Tokyo's Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke, who wrote the definitive work on how the universe was created, is among the scientists in Oslo baffled by Paris Hilton's surging success.


"I have a much clearer idea of how the solar system came to be than I do about Paris Hilton," Dr. Kyosuke said.


As seemingly insoluble a mystery as Paris Hilton is, however, Dr. Kyosuke hopes that the scientists in Oslo will come away with at least a workable theory of Ms. Hilton's allure.


"The better we understand how and why Paris Hilton got here, the easier it will be to predict when she will go away," Dr. Kyosuke said.


Elsewhere, Carl Edward Roland, the man who spent 56 hours perched on a crane above Atlanta's Buckhead district, said today that he was only trying to beat a record set by the magician David Blaine.

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.

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