Clicking on banner ads keeps JWR alive
Jewish World Review June 28, 2001 / 7 Tamuz, 5761

Bill Tammeus

Bill Tammeus
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Michelle Malkin
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

Driven to tell the truth about golf and government

http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- IT'S no accident that the words golf and government are found relatively close to each other in the dictionary.

No, it's not that they have anything to do with one another. It's that they both start with g-o. Which is why they're also near gold, gooseberry, gorilla, G-d and goofy.

See how you are? You're way too willing to fall into the grasp of theories involving conspiracies and weird mysteries. It's why you think it's somehow significant that President Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln and President Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy. Or however that old string of Lincoln-Kennedy coincidences goes. I've seen the list of those strange facts dozens of times but never cared enough to keep it because I don't believe there's any meaning to such odd and random details.

You know, now that I ponder the matter, I believe there may be meaning in the golf-government relationship, and America will be a better country if we can understand that meaning and then take advantage of our knowledge.

First, let's think about golf, a game I really like to play but that I play, on my best days, with deeply mediocre skills.

Oh, I've made some pars and made some birdies over the years. I even had a hole in one about 10 years ago. But as a rule I do well to break 100 on any round. So I pass on this profoundly crucial information about golf and government not because I'm an expert golfer but because I'm already this far into this column and I might as well finish it, in hopes it has a point.

Golf, as no doubt you know, originated in Scotland, where it was played as early as the 15th century. It started when a hung-over fellow in a kilt awoke one morning to discover he had a tee-off time he couldn't remember making.

King James I of England (who prior to that gig was James VI of Scotland) is said to have introduced golf to London. This, by the way, was the same James after whom the King James Version of the Bible is named. Which is why, no doubt, he issued two proclamations. One said, "Thou shalt play golf." The other said, "Thou shalt not lie about thy score (more than necessary)."

So, as you can see, government lies began with golf. And it's pretty much been downhill ever since, from George Washington lying about not being able to tell a lie to Richard Nixon claiming not to be a crook, to Bill Clinton claiming he did not have golf with that woman, to George W. Bush saying at a press conference earlier this year that he'd play golf with the prime minister of Canada only if the premier cheated for Bush by giving him lots of strokes.

Golf -- well, golf and the income tax -- has undermined our national character, causing countless otherwise decent men and women to cheat both on their score cards and on their 1040s.

Oh, I know you probably think that professional golf is among the most ethical of sports because each player is on the honor system and must report rule infractions and take penalty strokes for doing so. And I'm sure there are pro golfers honest enough to marry your sister.

But most of us out on the links aren't professionals -- and this is especially true with our golfing presidents, whose playing partners tend to give them every benefit of the doubt when they're wandering golf courses with clubs in hand.

As a part-time golfer, it pains me to connect government corruption and a debauched citizenry with golf. But my allegiance to being a speaker of truth must transcend my devotion to learning how to hit my driver.

Besides, if more of you would give up the game because you think it's an invention of the devil, I'd get better tee times.


Comment on JWR contributor Bill Tammeus' column by clicking here.


06/25/01: When poetry becomes destructive
06/21/01: We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a word from deep space
06/14/01: Theory of revolution explains why some things get lost
06/11/01: Shamanic gewgaws
06/06/01: Charity begins at homes with lemonade stands
05/30/01: When are wars worth dying in?
05/23/01: Cruising along that bumpy highway
05/09/01: If you're in the write mood, wish the U.S. happy birthday
05/07/01: Killing McVeigh will wound us all
05/01/01: Dubya reinforcing negative GOP stereotypes?

Up

Reprinted by permission, The Kansas City Star, Copyright 2001. All rights reserved