• Driver Joshua Concepcion-West, 27, was arrested in Apopka, Florida, with an ingenious license-plate cover that he could raise and lower remotely from his key chain (thus avoiding identification by cameras as he passed through turnpike checkpoints). On Jan. 11 at a $1.25 toll plaza, he had neglected to check his rear-view mirror before lowering the cover -- and failed to notice that right behind him was a Florida Highway Patrol car with a trooper watching the whole thing. [WFOR-TV (Miami), 1-13, 2017]
• Lamest Criminal Defense Ever: Substitute teacher Pete Garcia Hernandez, 49, was arrested in Houston in January and charged with three counts of indecency with a child, involving girls at Looscan Elementary School. The girls had reported earlier that Hernandez had kissed them each on the mouth, but police investigators quoted Hernandez as calling it all an "accident," that "he was speaking close with them and his tongue accidentally went into their mouth(s)." [KHOU-TV, 1-25-2017]
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