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December 2, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 1, 2013/ 21 Iyar, 5773

Kids, never let skills and competence stand in your way

By Greg Schwem



JewishWorldReview.com | I sat my daughter down for one of those heart-to-heart Dad talks that invariably begins with five simple words:

"Stop looking at your phone."

Mission accomplished, I pressed onward. "Vacation begins in a month, honey. Now that you're 16, have you thought about a summer job?"

"Absolutely," she replied, much to my amazement. "I'm going to be on television."

"Television, as in a TV personality? Are you qualified? I mean, you haven't done anything yet. Your resume is, for a lack of a better word, blank."

"That didn't stop the Kardashians."

"True, but . . ."

"Dad, I've got it covered. I've already been in touch with the local TV station."

"Fantastic," I said, admiring her tenacity. "What are you applying for? A summer internship?"

"No, the station is running a contest called 'Join Our News Team For a Day!' I just have to 'like' them on Facebook and then I'm qualified to win. I spent all night creating a bunch of alternate Facebook accounts to increase my chances."

"That's very nice, but even if you, uh, win, you're still going to need to interview with the station manager. You know your dad used to be a TV news reporter. The first thing you should say is . . ."

"F------ s---."

"Young lady, WHAT did you just say?"

"I said . . ."

"I HEARD you. Where did you learn to talk like that?"

"That anchordude in North Dakota. He said those words. On the air."

"Yes, and they fired him."

"Right. And the next day he was on Letterman. And 'The Today Show.' And 'Live With Kelly and Michael.' Sounds a lot better than North Dakota."

"I won't argue with that," I said, as memories of a weeklong business trip to Fargo came flooding back. "Still, sweetheart, you can't talk to your prospective employer that way. Mark my words, in a week that 'anchordude,' as you call him, is going to have nothing."

"Except a viral video. Do you have any viral videos, Dad?"

"I haven't checked lately. Look, I'm just trying to help you."

"And I appreciate that. I know exactly what you can do."

"What's that?"

"You have to run for president. And win."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Chelsea Clinton, Dad. And Jenna Bush. They both landed some sweet national TV gigs."

"And what exactly was their field of expertise?"

"I dunno. Does it matter? I just watch Jenna Bush 'cause her dad was the prez. And the whole time she's talking, I'm like, 'Girl, you lived in the White House. That is soooo chill.'"

"Please try not to say 'like' during the interview. Ditto for 'chill.' OK?"

"Don't say 'like.' Don't swear. Got it, Dad. Anything else? I'm pretty busy."

"So am I. Apparently I have a presidential campaign to launch. But there is one more thing. Don't expect to be hired right away. Most employers mull things over before making a decision. So let's talk about a follow up strategy. I suggest . . ."

"Tweets."

"Huh?"

"I'm already following the station on Twitter. After the interview I'll start tweeting them with hashtags like #hireme, #imyourgirl and #freakinawesome."

"And you think that's better than calling the station and politely asking the general manager if he or she has made a decision yet?"

"Nobody talks on the phone, Dad. Haven't we had this conversation before?"

"I seem to remember you texting me something about it."

"Dad, this has been a great talk, but I really need to get back to clicking 'like' on the station's Facebook page. I'm sure my competition is doing the same thing right now."

"You're probably right. When's your interview?"

"What interview? I just have to upload a 90-second clip to YouTube explaining why I want the job. Do you think I should include a music track? Dad? Dad, say something."

"I would, but it's not repeatable. Unless you do news in North Dakota."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and in the media consider "must reading." Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.




Comment by clicking here.

Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of "Text Me If You're Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad".


Previously:



An 'F' is a very 'Nobel' grade
The TV remote is Harvard's answer to birth control

© 2013, Greg Schwem Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.

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