Jewish World Review May 31, 2013/ 22 Sivan, 5773
Don't let this golden opportunity slip away
By Barry Koltnow
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) This meeting did not take place. The people involved do not exist. No plans being discussed here will ever come true.
And yet ...
STUDIO EXEC NUMBER ONE: Did you see the numbers?
STUDIO EXEC NUMBER TWO: Of course I saw the numbers. How could I miss $700 million worldwide? "Iron Man 3" is a monster.
NUMBER ONE: We've got to get a piece of that action.
NUMBER TWO: I don't think Marvel and Disney are in the mood to share.
NUMBER ONE: No, I'm not saying that we can get in on "Iron Man 3," but I do think we can cash in on the public's fascination with this comic-book character.
NUMBER TWO: What do you have in mind? They own the rights to Iron Man.
NUMBER ONE: Why not create our own superhero?
NUMBER TWO: I don't think you can just make these things up. I think Stan Lee has to invent them or something.
NUMBER ONE: Stan Lee isn't the boss of me. I went to Harvard. I'm a smart guy. How tough could it be to make up a superhero?
NUMBER TWO: I don't think it's as easy as you think. These characters have been around for decades in comic books, and they have built a fan base from early childhood. Some of those comic book fans now run studios, and that's why we have so many comic book movies.
NUMBER ONE: Are you saying that I'm not as clever as a comic book geek? I've seen "The Big Bang Theory." I'm smarter than those guys.
NUMBER TWO: Those guys are actors. They're not even real comic book geeks.
NUMBER ONE: The point is that you and I could invent a comic book franchise right here.
NUMBER TWO: Do you have any ideas, or are you just talking?
NUMBER ONE: I have plenty of ideas. If the public loves Iron Man so much, we probably should keep with the metal theme. What about Tin Man?
NUMBER TWO: Seriously?
NUMBER ONE: What's wrong with Tin Man?
NUMBER TWO: Have you ever heard of "The Wizard of Oz"?
NUMBER ONE: The movie with James Franco?
NUMBER TWO: OK, there's that one. I was kind of thinking about the 1939 version with Judy Garland?
NUMBER ONE: Never heard of her. Is she a Kardashian?
NUMBER TWO: No, she's not a Kardashian. She actually had talent. She was a real star.
NUMBER ONE: How old are you, dude?
NUMBER TWO: The bottom line is that you can't use Tin Man. What else have you got?
NUMBER ONE: What about Copper Man?
NUMBER TWO: No.
NUMBER ONE: Lead Man?
NUMBER TWO: No.
NUMBER ONE: Zinc Man?
NUMBER TWO: No.
NUMBER ONE: Aluminum Man?
NUMBER TWO: No.
NUMBER ONE: Chromium Man?
NUMBER TWO: You're really stretching.
NUMBER ONE: Bronze Man?
NUMBER TWO: George Hamilton already plays him.
NUMBER ONE: I don't get it.
NUMBER TWO: Ask your grandparents.
NUMBER ONE: What about Gold Man?
NUMBER TWO: Hmmm ... I do like gold.
NUMBER ONE: Everybody likes gold.
NUMBER TWO: Gold might work. It certainly would make a shiny costume. What would be his super power?
NUMBER ONE: How about his ability to buy himself out of trouble?
NUMBER TWO: That sounds a little thin.
NUMBER ONE: We're just spitballing here. We can work out the details later. But off the top of my head, I'm thinking that he could carry gold bars in holsters, and throw them at the bad guys.
NUMBER TWO: Do you have a supervillain in mind? In these movies, the hero is only as strong as the villain.
NUMBER ONE: I do. Picture this: Dr. Tarnish.
NUMBER TWO: Really? Not Green Goblin? Not Lex Luthor? Not the Joker?
NUMBER ONE: I'm sure that the name Green Goblin sounded silly when someone first suggested it a million years ago. It only makes sense now because you've heard it your whole life. If you heard the name Dr. Tarnish since you were a child, it would make perfect sense. Tarnish is the enemy of gold in the real world, and Dr. Tarnish is the enemy of Gold Man in the world of comic book movies.
NUMBER TWO: You're a genius.
NUMBER ONE: That's very nice of you to say, but I'm just a humble 26-year-old studio executive trying to do the right thing, which is to make my company billions of dollars in sequels, merchandising revenue and the home entertainment market.
NUMBER TWO: You know what's so brilliant about your idea? It's not a sequel, a prequel, a remake or a reboot.
NUMBER ONE: I know. It's almost like that black-and-white silent French film that won the Oscar a couple of years ago, only our movie will be in color, will have sound and won't even have french fries in it. It's a completely original summer movie..
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Blame the shark for summer-movie madness
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