Home
In this issue
April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 31, 2013/ 22 Sivan, 5773

Don't let this golden opportunity slip away

By Barry Koltnow




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) This meeting did not take place. The people involved do not exist. No plans being discussed here will ever come true.

And yet ...

STUDIO EXEC NUMBER ONE: Did you see the numbers?

STUDIO EXEC NUMBER TWO: Of course I saw the numbers. How could I miss $700 million worldwide? "Iron Man 3" is a monster.

NUMBER ONE: We've got to get a piece of that action.

NUMBER TWO: I don't think Marvel and Disney are in the mood to share.

NUMBER ONE: No, I'm not saying that we can get in on "Iron Man 3," but I do think we can cash in on the public's fascination with this comic-book character.

NUMBER TWO: What do you have in mind? They own the rights to Iron Man.

NUMBER ONE: Why not create our own superhero?

NUMBER TWO: I don't think you can just make these things up. I think Stan Lee has to invent them or something.

NUMBER ONE: Stan Lee isn't the boss of me. I went to Harvard. I'm a smart guy. How tough could it be to make up a superhero?

NUMBER TWO: I don't think it's as easy as you think. These characters have been around for decades in comic books, and they have built a fan base from early childhood. Some of those comic book fans now run studios, and that's why we have so many comic book movies.

NUMBER ONE: Are you saying that I'm not as clever as a comic book geek? I've seen "The Big Bang Theory." I'm smarter than those guys.

NUMBER TWO: Those guys are actors. They're not even real comic book geeks.

NUMBER ONE: The point is that you and I could invent a comic book franchise right here.

NUMBER TWO: Do you have any ideas, or are you just talking?

NUMBER ONE: I have plenty of ideas. If the public loves Iron Man so much, we probably should keep with the metal theme. What about Tin Man?

NUMBER TWO: Seriously?

NUMBER ONE: What's wrong with Tin Man?

NUMBER TWO: Have you ever heard of "The Wizard of Oz"?

NUMBER ONE: The movie with James Franco?

NUMBER TWO: OK, there's that one. I was kind of thinking about the 1939 version with Judy Garland?

NUMBER ONE: Never heard of her. Is she a Kardashian?

NUMBER TWO: No, she's not a Kardashian. She actually had talent. She was a real star.

NUMBER ONE: How old are you, dude?

NUMBER TWO: The bottom line is that you can't use Tin Man. What else have you got?

NUMBER ONE: What about Copper Man?

NUMBER TWO: No.

NUMBER ONE: Lead Man?

NUMBER TWO: No.

NUMBER ONE: Zinc Man?

NUMBER TWO: No.

NUMBER ONE: Aluminum Man?

NUMBER TWO: No.

NUMBER ONE: Chromium Man?

NUMBER TWO: You're really stretching.

NUMBER ONE: Bronze Man?

NUMBER TWO: George Hamilton already plays him.

NUMBER ONE: I don't get it.

NUMBER TWO: Ask your grandparents.

NUMBER ONE: What about Gold Man?

NUMBER TWO: Hmmm ... I do like gold.

NUMBER ONE: Everybody likes gold.

NUMBER TWO: Gold might work. It certainly would make a shiny costume. What would be his super power?

NUMBER ONE: How about his ability to buy himself out of trouble?

NUMBER TWO: That sounds a little thin.

NUMBER ONE: We're just spitballing here. We can work out the details later. But off the top of my head, I'm thinking that he could carry gold bars in holsters, and throw them at the bad guys.

NUMBER TWO: Do you have a supervillain in mind? In these movies, the hero is only as strong as the villain.

NUMBER ONE: I do. Picture this: Dr. Tarnish.

NUMBER TWO: Really? Not Green Goblin? Not Lex Luthor? Not the Joker?

NUMBER ONE: I'm sure that the name Green Goblin sounded silly when someone first suggested it a million years ago. It only makes sense now because you've heard it your whole life. If you heard the name Dr. Tarnish since you were a child, it would make perfect sense. Tarnish is the enemy of gold in the real world, and Dr. Tarnish is the enemy of Gold Man in the world of comic book movies.

NUMBER TWO: You're a genius.

NUMBER ONE: That's very nice of you to say, but I'm just a humble 26-year-old studio executive trying to do the right thing, which is to make my company billions of dollars in sequels, merchandising revenue and the home entertainment market.

NUMBER TWO: You know what's so brilliant about your idea? It's not a sequel, a prequel, a remake or a reboot.

NUMBER ONE: I know. It's almost like that black-and-white silent French film that won the Oscar a couple of years ago, only our movie will be in color, will have sound and won't even have french fries in it. It's a completely original summer movie.

.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.



Comment on Barry Koltnow's column by clicking here.


Previously:

Blame the shark for summer-movie madness
Baby boomers still buy tickets
Biopics always have one scene too many
Sneaking into movies not as easy as in old days
Ben Affleck's life is still worth living
The black market for movie raves
The 10 worst movies of 2012
2012's most annoying celebrities
Lindsay Lohan needs to be ignored
Red Dawn' remake reflects China's box-office pull
Fall movie season ends with lessons learned
The 10 best Bond villains ever
Readers weigh in on confusing movies
10 most confusing movies of all time
Do you enjoy going out to the movies?
Sylvester Stallone, the Dalai Lama and me
Watch August movies at your own risk
Nothing new in the new Spider-Man movie
Grading the summer movies . . . so far
Readers are angry about TV network practices, too
TV networks have some explaining to do
The night Johnny Depp made me a star
Summer movies: the dark horses
Lindsay, Ashton, Kim --- are they kidding?
Readers pick their favorite baseball movies
Our 10 favorite baseball movies
The most over-hyped movies of 2012
The 10 worst best pictures ever
The greatest Oscar acceptance speech NEVER given
The worst biopics ... ever
20 celebrity questions that must be answered in 2012
The Golden Globes are meaningless
The 10 Most Annoying Celebrities of 2011
The funniest comedy teams
Fake celebrities ignite real controversy
Hollywood: Stop spoiling our movies
Mob expert reveals his favorite gangster flicks
Good riddance, Harry Potter
The coolest car movies ever made
Our favorite teacher movies
Are women funny?
Our special snarky summer movie guide
The 10 most pressing show biz questions
Readers weigh in on the royal wedding
The royal wedding: I don't get it
Readers reach verdict on lawyer column
Our favorite lawyer movies ever
Readers pick their worst Oscar winners
The 10 worst best pictures ever
25 hit-man movies to die for
The 10 greatest sidekicks ever
The 10 biggest celebrity missteps of 2010
Who's cooler than Steve McQueen? (Answer: nobody)
The best revenge movies ever
The good old days, when celebrities weren't train wrecks
Making sport of celebrities
Youth will be served? Don't give me that trash!
A celebrity answer is no answer at all
Caution: geniuses at work



© 2010, The Orange County Register; Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles

Quantcast