Jewish World Review May 9, 2012/ 17 Iyar, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The NFL was sued Monday by former NFL players who say the NFL didn't protect them from brain injuries. There's not much they can do. If they replace tackling with two hands below the waist, the entire league could face suspension for workplace harassment.
The Oprah Winfrey Network was reported Monday to have lost three hundred thirty million dollars last year. It's embarrassing. No one in Hollywood wants to admit why her viewer-base abandoned her, but Barbra Streisand just endorsed Mitt Romney for president.
Britain's Parliament voted to end subsidies for twenty bars in the building Thursday after an outcry over drunken behavior by Members during debates. Parliament's debates begin at eight p.m. and go long after midnight. It's the only lawmaking body that's often mistaken for a comedy club by tourists who are wandering around London without a map.
French voters elected Socialist Francois Hollande president Sunday. He wants to raise taxes on the rich, lower the retirement age and increase spending. The next day President Obama invited Hollande to the White House to find out how he won on a platform like that.
French millionaires began moving to London Monday with tax hikes looming. There is a French neighborhood and a French private school in Kensington. In six months the food in London will be so good that England will take away our title as most obese country.
France jeopardized its EU austerity agreements with Germany by electing a socialist president Sunday. It could get nasty between them. The good news is, history teaches us that the end of the Great Depression is in sight when Germany reaches out to crush France.
President Obama will fly to L.A. for fundraisers in Beverly Hills and West Hollywood Thursday. Getting places will be a nightmare. Traffic forecasters say there will be stop-and-go traffic on Sunset Boulevard until the Secret Service agents see something they like.
President Obama launched his reelection campaign Saturday at Ohio State's outdoor amphitheater that seats twenty thousand people. It didn't go well. There were ten thousand empty seats and Carrot Top blames the president for not giving him equal billing.
Harvard professor and U.S. Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts said she's part Indian but there's no record of it. It's very risky. White homesteaders could just move into her campaign headquarters and she'd have no legal recourse to evict them.
A U.N. committee report Monday scolded the United States for its conquest of Indian tribes and urged the U.S. to return the Southwest and northwest to Native Americans. They can have the real estate if we can have the casinos. It's a deal no sane person would make.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton