Jewish World Review May 4, 2012/ 12 Iyar, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Parliament called Rupert Murdoch an unfit newspaper publisher Tuesday. His Fleet Street dailies serve up crime news, political scandals, celebrity affairs, conservative editorials, a nude woman on page three and twenty pages of sports. If the Congressional Record were published by Rupert Murdoch the United States would have no budget deficit.
The NFL suspended New Orleans Saints player Jonathan Vilma for offering ten grand to any teammate who could to knock out Brett Favre three years ago. It wasn't about football. They're just mad that somebody with a plantation in Mississippi is still trying to beat them.
China demanded a U.S. apology for allowing a protester to take refuge inside the U.S. Embassy. He rebelled against being forced to obey China's one-child law or be sent to prison. He wants to live in the United States and buy health insurance or be sent to prison.
President Obama admitted to a biographer Thursday that in his book Dreams of My Father he compressed the personalities of six former girlfriends into one. It was kind of dishonest. If you could turn six girlfriends into one, Bill Clinton would still be president.
Mitt Romney personally delivered six large pizzas to the lower Manhattan firehouse which responded first on the day of the World Trade Center attack Tuesday. You can imagine how glad they were to see him. It's supposed to take thirty minutes, not ten years.
Apple reported second-quarter earnings of twelve billion dollars Tuesday. Silicon Valley has created a different world than the one just twenty years ago. Cell phones killed payphones the way coffee table books were made obsolete by the cocaine epidemic.
Newt Gingrich dropped out of the GOP presidential race on Wednesday after he won in Georgia and in South Carolina. He nearly won in the Mississippi, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Louisiana and Alabama primaries. You know you're not in touch with the American people when the only states that support you are the ones that tried to leave the Union.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton