Jewish World Review May 2, 2012/ 10 Iyar, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Obama headlined the White House Correspondents Dinner Saturday. They all feasted. They ate six hundred pounds of roast beef, twelve hundred hearts of lettuce, a half ton of green peas, eight hundred sweet potatoes and the White House dog is missing.
Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian were guests at the White House Correspondents Dinner Saturday. It was necessary to have them there. We will never be able to wean our Secret Service agents off of South American hookers until we allow them to hit bottom.
The Secret Service issued new rules of conduct for agents Friday. They can no longer get drunk, procure hookers, or go to strip bars. The rules say that from now on if agents feel compelled to engage in such behavior, they can run for public office like everyone else.
Mitt Romney's oil and business donors were exposed online by an Obama website on Friday. It shamed them for being rich. The reason oil and business leaders are willing to donate millions to elect Mitt Romney president is because it's cheaper than paying lawyers.
Los Angeles marked the anniversary of the riots twenty years ago Monday. The riots were oddly uplifting. At one point news cameras showed a black guy, a white guy and a Hispanic guy running down Olympic Boulevard, and they were carrying a TV set together.
USA Today says teens are converting bathroom hand sanitizer into pure alcohol and drinking it. They can also make crystal meth with three over-the-counter products. Whoever says American kids are lagging behind in science underestimates us at their peril.
Pew Hispanic Research reports that more Mexicans moved home to Mexico last year than migrated to the U.S. for the first time ever. It's obvious why. After you've won the Powerball lottery a few times what's the point in staying up here and paying these prices?
President Obama was modest Monday when a reporter praised him for his courage in the bin Laden raid. The CIA found bin Laden, then trained the SEALs and the chopper pilots. It took great courage for the president to okay the raid or get impeached if he didn't.
The President's Club by two Time reporters about the fraternity of ex-U.S. presidents came out Monday. They're all anxious to shape their legacies in interviews. None of the former presidents believe they talk too much, but they all believe you've got a lot to learn.
Mel Gibson was accused of anti-Semitic remarks by screenwriter Joe Esterhaz during production of Judas Maccabee before the studio shelved it. Mel's made anti-Semitic rants and Joe's father was a Hungarian Nazi. What hurts is realizing that whoever thought of teaming up these two to make a film about a great Jewish hero makes a seven-figure salary.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton