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Jewish World Review
May 14, 2012/ 22 Iyar, 5772
Mayan discovery: It's safe to make plans for 2013
By
Dale McFeatters
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
It's scientifically safe to make plans for 2013. The world will not end on Dec. 21 or the default date of Dec. 23, according to a newly discovered Mayan calendar.
If an incomplete ancient Mayan calendar, enthusiastically embraced by New Age cultists and those of an exceedingly gloomy pessimism, were to be believed, it didn't matter who won the November election because neither the candidates, the voters who elected the winner nor, indeed, the whole rest of the world, would be around for the inauguration.
If the Mayans were so smart, you might ask, how come their civilization is no longer around, having collapsed in 900 AD, leaving behind spectacular, if overgrown and crumbling, ruins and at least one calendar to terrify the gullible.
But a team of scientists, led by archeologist William Saturno, found the workshop of an ancient Mayan calendar maker, in the unexcavated Guatemalan city of Xultun, largely unexplored except by looters.
One day while exploring the looters' trenches with a student, Saturno came upon a small, relatively intact building and made two amazing discoveries.
One was the earliest known intact Mayan painting -- a king painted bright blue and adorned with an ornate costume of feathers and jewelry. Except for the color, the jewelry and the feathers, it seems to have been the equivalent of the large portrait photographs of the current U.S. president that hang in every government office.
More important, Saturno found extensive columns of figures, tracking the movements of the moon, Mars and Venus. Each column was headed by a representation of one of the three moon gods -- a jaguar, a woman and a skull, at least as exciting as today's calendars with representations of cute kittens and excavating equipment.
The calendar spans 7,000 years and we seem to be halfway through, meaning doomsday is still 3,500 years off. "So much for the supposed end of the world," said Saturno.
We wouldn't exactly call his discovery a killjoy -- we are talking about the end of the world, after all -- but it does detract mightily from our sense of anticipation for December. And we'll still have to report for work on Jan. 2. According to the calendar of our current civilization, that's a Wednesday.
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Previously:
• 05/10/12 Save those 'Hillary!' buttons
• 04/18/12 Government service can be fun. Really.
• 04/17/12 Scandal, yes, but Cartagena had summit, too
• 04/16/12 When your car is smarter than you are
• 04/13/12 Lenders tiptoe back into world of credit risks
• 04/12/12 What do you mean you don't want a driver's license?
• 04/11/12 Smartphone anti-theft plan seems, um, smart
• 04/10/12 Bizarre process to choose a veep
• 04/09/12 From remote exurbs, cities don't look so bad anymore
• 04/06/12 We do want the fake Romney, not the 'real' one
• 04/05/12 Heaping even more indignities on air travelers
• 03/29/12 Blown away in Washington, D.C.
• 03/28/12 At the nuke summit an inadvertent moment of candor
• 03/27/12 A worse unemployment problem
• 03/23/12 The federal budget: A game of make-believe
• 03/21/12 In Iraq, blame the U.S., but drive American
• 03/20/12 Too late, bin Laden realized killing Muslims was a mistake
• 03/16/12 Hu and Wen leaving. China asks: What next?
• 03/14/12 Tide, favored by housewives and drug dealers alike
• 03/09/12 'Spring forward' obsessives and seasonal purists
• 03/08/12 Really, no place is safe when you think about it
• 03/06/12 Putin 'carousel voting' victory
• 02/28/12 Fighter of future still glued to tarmac
• 02/27/12 Every candidate has to have a tax-reform plan
• 02/23/12 Au revoir, mademoiselle: It's been bonne
• 02/21/12 A new way of attacking food-stamp fraud
• 02/20/12 Feds don't want you driven to distraction
• 02/15/12 Putin has found can't lose campaign issue: Promoting a randier Russia
• 02/14/12 Obama's budget lays down battle lines for the fall
• 02/10/12 Filming in D.C. creates hassle for Hollywood
• 02/08/12 At Lake Vostok, Russia taps into new realm
• 02/07/12 'Granny dumping' in prisons
• 01/30/12 National Defense Authorization Act indefensible
• 01/23/12 Barbie sparks fear among Iran's mullahs
• 01/19/12 From overseas, U.S. industry is looking good
• 01/18/12 American posterior a growing problem for mass transit
• 01/16/12 Planets and roaches
• 01/13/12 Not exactly a biblical plague, but certainly an annoyance
• 01/12/12 Fewer young Americans interested in driving
• 01/05/12 Majoring in unemployment
• 01/04/12 Cutting the military by blunt force
• 01/02/12 Pragmatic look at top words
• 12/22/11 Basketball the way to Kim's heart and nuclear weapons
• 12/21/12 Speculation and wishful thinking can get scary
• 12/20/11 A third Kim has North Korea by the throat
• 12/19/11 Congress pats itself on back for budget bill
• 12/15/11 The U.S. government is cashing in its chips, literally
• 12/14/11 TSA might try trusting its own people
• 12/12/11 That $1.2 billion? It's around here some place
• 12/09/11 State Department Creates ‘Virtual Embassy’ For Iran
• 12/08/11 If you've ever tweeted, you're in the Library of Congress
• 12/07/11 Discoveries go to the core of what makes us humans
• 12/06/11 Stealing elections badly in Russia
• 12/05/11 Sometimes paranoia is common sense by another name
• 12/02/11 When the U.S. truly became one nation
• 12/01/11 Last chance to snap up a Maybach
• 11/30/11 Iran wants respect without earning it
• 11/29/11 Surprise! ‘Spider-Man’ may weave a profitable web
• 11/28/11 Italians entertain novel proposition: Paying their taxes
• 11/25/11 No time to let up on al-Qaida
• 11/24/11 Congress Quietly Abolishing Friday
• 11/23/11 Cleaning up after supercommittee implosion
• 11/22/11 Jailing minors with adults adds to problems
• 11/21/11 Brilliant strategy? Action by inaction
• 11/18/11They're going to eat horses, aren't they?
• 11/17/11 A pretend stick shift for pretend drivers
• 11/16/11 Clinton's ‘vast experiences’: Did NBC pick the wrong Chelsea?
• 11/15/11 Occupy protesters, you've made your point. Now, scat
• 11/10/11 Our vets are a national problem?
• 11/09/11 Requiem for a once-great sport
• 11/08/11 A toilet as smart as its occupant
• 11/07/11 Prerevolutionary gems in need of TLC
• 11/04/11 Feds must stop scam of stealing from dead children
• 11/03/11 Bank listens ‘very closely’ to customer lynch mob
• 11/01/11 TV that's leading the people away from ‘core socialist values’
• 10/31/11 NATO should not be a victim of its success
• 10/28/11 Iran mulls getting rid of president and presidency
• 10/27/11 Bienvenidos a Dayton and bring your businesses with you
• 10/26/11 Archivists long for Obama's teleprompter
• 10/25/11 United Nations to run the Internet?
• 10/24/11 Attention, world: You've got the cash. We've got the houses
• 10/19/11 Oil pipeline must be in America's future
• 10/18/11 U.S. plans ‘limited’ mission in an Africa with no limits
• 10/17/11 Social Security's grave mistakes
• 10/12/11 NASA's help-wanted sign for astronauts
• 10/10/11 Saving Thomas Jefferson''s chimneys
• 10/06/11 Uncle Sam's answer to deadbeats --- robo-calls
• 10/04/11 Christie should ignore jibes on his weight
• 10/03/11 Iran says its warships will head for Jersey shore
• 09/29/11 Europeans bristle at Obama's lectures
• 09/28/11 Jessica Rabbit for the defense
• 09/27/11 Russia learns outcome of next March's presidential election
• 09/26/11 Another try at leaving no child behind
• 09/23/11 This generation needs a job more than a name
• 09/22/11 In the lane next to you: A driverless car
• 09/20/11 Cloudy, cool, chance of falling satellite
• 09/14/11 Humanitarian extortion
• 09/13/11 Paging Dr. Watson; he's there in 3 seconds
• 09/09/11 Forecasting 100 percent chance of heavy metal
• 09/08/11 A jobs program at Obama's doorstep
• 09/07/11 Iran's government afraid of the water
• 09/06/11 Congress returns, tanned, rested and testy
• 09/05/11 Space nations must clean up after themselves
• 09/02/11 Osama bin Laden died a failure and he knew it
• 09/01/11 Time to retire political pie in the face
• 08/31/11 Labor Day celebrates what, exactly?
• 08/30/11 These arrestees really are framed
• 08/25/11 When in an earthquake, block traffic
• 08/23/11 A case for discretion in deportation arrests
• 08/22/11 Tough times or not, parents shell out for school
• 08/18/11 Being unpleasant for fun, profit, promotion
• 08/17/11 Time to prepare for the end game in Libya
• 08/16/11: ‘Super Committee’ starts facing reality
• 08/15/11: World's fastest plane disappears even faster
• 08/12/11: British cops track rioters through security cameras
• 08/11/11: Relax. There is no Death Star
• 08/10/11: House pages run final errands
• 08/09/11: U.S. treading water on job creation
• 08/08/11: Uncle Sam, the world's permanent guest
• 08/05/11: Most 9/11 victims not on federal death records
• 08/04/11: Russian PM calls U.S. a ‘parasite.’ He should be so lucky
• 08/03/11: Congress goes from one bind to another
• 08/02/11: D.B. Cooper may no longer be a mystery
• 08/01/11: Libya's latest weapon against NATO --- lawsuits
• 07/29/11: He'll always be known as Hot Wheels Handler
• 07/25/11: Recruiting children to save a dying town
• 07/22/11: Bachmann's admirable medical candor
• 07/12/11: Social Security's grave mistakes
• 07/08/11: Debt crisis need not be constitutional crisis
• 07/07/11: Startups entice new talent with kickball, treehouses
• 07/05/11: Stranded tourists get rare treat
• 06/30/11: The dollar Americans refuse to spend
• 06/27/11: The hangman doesn't cometh
© 2011, SCRIPPS HOWARD NEWS SERVICE
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