Jewish World Review May 25, 2011 / 21 Iyar, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Arnold Schwarzenegger put his career on hold Friday after he admitted he fathered a child with his maid. He said the affair was ten years ago but the boy is fourteen. Arnold wants his son to learn that in Los Angeles it's never too early to start lying about your age.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's maid hid out Monday, refusing to answer questions about their affair or the kid. For years there were rumors the maid's boy was Arnold's. Every year he auditioned for the school play and every year they cast him as a tree or as a robot.
President Obama flew to Ireland to mark his Irish roots Monday. His mother's side is Anglo-Norman, who conquered and occupied Dublin eight centuries ago. When Obama finds out he's an imperialist he's going to order the bust of himself removed from the Oval Office.
President Obama was given the code name Chalaque by London police this week. It's a Punjabi word for a smart aleck. We have to take this insolence from Punjabis until we are are willing to read enough computer instruction manuals to provide our own tech support.
The Presbyterian Church voted Friday to allow gay ministers. Their theology schools have been getting more and more liberal. First they stopped requiring Calvinism, then they stopped teaching Calvinism, now they believe in looking good from behind in Calvin's.
Toyota asked for patience Monday as lines lengthened at Toyota dealerships to buy their hybrid cars. It's the safest car on the road now. The car's tendency to accelerate suddenly at any given moment has made many Americans too scared to text while driving.
President Obama and members of his administration are scheduled to fly to Poland Friday, if the volcanic ash allows the flight. The visit means a lot to the people of Poland. They want to give Joe Biden a medal for single-handedly replacing Polish jokes in America.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton