Jewish World Review May 23, 2011 / 19 Iyar, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Obama addressed a party fundraiser in New York Tuesday where he promised Democrats he'll get immigration reform passed. He spoke at length about how immigration is good for the United States. Maria Shriver has been granted equal time to deliver the rebuttal.
Maria Shriver flew to Chicago Wednesday to discuss her shattered marriage with Arnold Schwarzenegger on the Oprah Winfrey show. That's surprising. You'd think if a Kennedy just found out she had married a Kennedy she'd fly to Chicago to be on the Jerry Springer show.
Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted fathering a child with his family's maid fourteen years ago in Los Angeles. This shouldn't hurt his career in public service at all. The International Monetary Fund is looking for a president who knows how to have consensual sex with a maid.
IMF president Dominique Strauss-Kahn made bail Thursday after his arrest in New York on charges of sexually assaulting his hotel maid. The terms of the bail were harsh. He had to post a million dollars cash and he must shower in his swimsuit whenever he's staying in a hotel.
French papers speculated that IMF president Dominique Strauss-Kahn was set up in New York for rape. It's an incredible power to decide which Third World countries get billions in cash. Dictators send him compliant women every day but he loves the thrill of the chase.
The Washington Post reported Tuesday the CIA had Osama bin Laden under surveillance for months from a safe house across the street. It was very tightly timed and organized. The raid's launch was triggered automatically once the president's approval rating hit forty percent.
The TSA ran a fake bomb through the Minneapolis Airport security checkpoint Thursday in a drill. The screener found the bomb and notified the police, who didn't know it was just a drill so they shut down the airport. Now that bin Laden is dead we have to be our own enemy.
Osama bin Laden spoke from the grave Friday in a tape to al-Qaeda sites. He recorded it just before he died. He ordered his followers to protest in Egypt, he ordered al-Qaeda to kill Americans, and then he ordered his wife to answer the door and then there's a lot of noise.
Al-Qaeda chose a new leader, Saif al-Adel, to replace Osama bin Laden on Thursday. Ten years ago he warned against the World Trade Center attacks, predicting America's wrath would destroy the cause. In his first speech Friday he urged all true believers to invest in Apple.
President Obama was asked by GOP lawmakers to comply with the War Powers Act last week. It says the president can't operate the U.S. military in Libya longer than sixty days without a vote of Congress. The law is written so that it always goes into effect next president.
Retired White House reporters marked the anniversary of JFK's first live press conference fifty years ago Tuesday. They all say that presidential coverage is too fawning today. There's no reason for reporters to kneel at the podium and cross themselves whenever they enter the briefing room.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton