Jewish World Review May 5, 2011 / 1 Iyar, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The White House took credit for the raid killing Osama bin Laden Sunday. Both sides deserve credit for the raid. Sending in the helicopters may have been President Obama's idea but shooting bin Laden in the face was clearly a continuation of the Dick Cheney Doctrine.
Osama bin Laden's mansion drew tourists Monday to see where Osama's family and the courier families lived and died. The neighbors were thrilled they're gone. They know from reading about Los Angeles how multi-family dwellings drive down everybody's property values.
Pakistan said Tuesday it had no idea bin Laden hid out in Abbottabad. Bin Laden's mansion had no Internet, no phone lines and he burned his own trash. He could go down in history as the first enemy of the U.S. ever killed by a presidential order for failure to recycle.
The CIA briefed Congress Monday on the divided allegiances in Pakistan. Lawmakers are torn between Good Pakistan's value as an ally and Bad Pakistan's risk as a haven for terrorists. The fact is there are two Pakistans and both Americas were outraged to hear it.
The U.S. Senate passed a resolution Tuesday saluting the U.S. Navy SEALs for their raid on Osama bin Laden's compound and killing the terrorist. The gruesome pictures are trickling out. They showed footage of the vicious firefight on C-SPAN and that was just Democrats and Republicans arguing whether Bush or Obama should get credit for the raid.
The White House hesitated Tuesday to release photos of Osama bin Laden. They said they didn't want kids to see it in newspapers. The chance that anyone under forty will ever see a newspaper is so remote and so slim that it really shouldn't factor into the decision.
President Obama decided Tuesday to release photos of Osama bin Laden taken after he was killed. It's a good idea. The photos clearly reveal that Osama bin Laden is dead, meaning the number-one threat to American lives is now the Big Mac and super-sized fries.
The CIA said it learned of bin Laden's courier when they were waterboarding Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. The Bush people held him under water until he confessed, which shocked Khalid Sheikh. He'd been assured in training camp that Episcopalians only sprinkle.
Prince Charles paid a visit to the U.S. Supreme Court Tuesday when he began a three-day visit to Washington. The prince's timing is perfect. After President Obama invaded a Third World country to kill a terrorist leader then had his body thrown into the ocean, this is as good a time for the British to return the bust of Churchill to the Oval Office as any.
The White House said Monday President Obama decided to bury Osama bin Laden at sea. They didn't want pilgrimages to a gravesite. As if five-dollar gasoline wasn't enough, leave it to the Obama administration to find one more way to just kill the tourism business.
Osama bin Laden was buried at sea Sunday in accordance with Muslim custom. His body was cleaned and wrapped in linen, then an Arabic-speaker read Koran verses over him. Shortly after he was slid into the sea, Hitler, Stalin and Caligula had a fourth for bridge.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton