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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 23, 2011 / 19 Iyar, 5771

Apple Store Like a Land Far, Far Away

By Mitch Albom






http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | They say there are nine planets in the solar system. But that is not true. There is a 10th.

The Apple Store.

On this planet, no one has a job or anyplace to go. They simply drift all day in an endless swirl of new products, most of them white. You need no food, no water; you can stay there for years with your mouth hanging open.

Some have gone and never returned, forgetting they have a family, a house or other clothes to wear. They spend the rest of their lives lifting a MacBook Air and yelling, "Feel how light this is!"

I am quite intimidated by Planet Apple Store. But I was forced to go there last week when my Mac computer stopped working. I started it up, the little apple appeared, the little doohickey spun around, but then the screen went blue and froze.

Naturally, I was embarrassed. I believed that Apple products never broke -- and if they did, it was your fault. You were an idiot who did something mean to the nice white machine, you big clumsy oaf, what on earth is wrong with you?

So I carried my Mac into Planet Apple Store, prepared to do what was expected, namely, drop to my knees and beg for mercy.

A PLACE LIKE NO OTHER
The mall in which this Planet Apple Store was located was virtually deserted. It was midweek and midday and as I approached the big white apple sign, I had reason to be optimistic, because if you shot a cannon down the corridor you'd hit nothing but a Rosetta Stone kiosk.

Wrong. Planet Apple Store was still as jammed as a Tokyo street crossing. At least half the people wore blue shirts with an apple on the front. These were the employees whom Apple calls "Geniuses," which, compared with you and me, is an understatement.

One such Genius signed me in (on a hand-held device, which I'm sure took my vital signs and spat out my SAT scores) and another summoned me to the Genius Bar, where the Geniuses presumably pour each other blue drinks like those "Star Wars" creatures, and where a redheaded female Genius with the tattoo of a something crawling up her arm looked me in the eye, smiled sweetly and said, "You pathetic imbecile."

She didn't say those words. That's just how I felt. Actually, once I told her what the problem was, she nodded pleasantly, gave a brief explanation of several possibilities, and told me "Don't worry." I felt like a man whose doctor looks at a troublesome X-ray and says, "It's nothing."

I wanted to kiss her sneakers.

A LESSON IN TIME

Then came the questions.

GENIUS: "Do you back up your data?"

ME: "Sure."

GENIUS: "Do you have a Time Machine?"

ME: "Who doesn't?"

GENIUS: "You may need to bring it in."

ME: "Sure, no problem."

I did not realize a Time Machine was a device Apple sold for data storage. I just figured the Geniuses had mastered time travel and assumed the rest of us dummies dropped by from the 17th century.

"After we reload the Time Machine, we can add RAM, upgrade the graphics card, increase the memory, maybe click in a terabyte," she said.

"Good, good, yeah, yeah," I said, nodding as if I had the slightest clue what she was talking about. A friend reminded me to be grateful because at least she lived in this country and wasn't talking to me over the phone.

She then wrote me a prescription, told me to drink lots of fluids and had me make an appointment with the nurse on the way out.

As I write this, I still don't have my Mac computer working. But that may be my own fault for not driving a time machine.

On my way out of Planet Apple Store, the Geniuses stared with pity. So I grabbed a MacBook Air, held it high and said, "Feel how light this is!"

Too late. It was already out of style.


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