Jewish World Review May 19, 2010 / 6 Sivan 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Mexico's President Felipe Calderon will be honored at a White House state dinner tonight. The Secret Service plans to do all it can to keep out uninvited guests. Everybody who doesn't look Mexican will be detained and returned to the Hyatt Regency.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger proposed brutal budget cuts Tuesday which would slash welfare and pensions in California. Seniors were hit hardest. Eighty-eight-year-old women are having to host Saturday Night Live just to keep from eating cat food.
Michael Jackson's doctor Conrad Murray saved a woman's life when she lost consciousness on a flight Friday. It was close. They asked if there was a doctor onboard and the woman nearly died while they had a thirty-minute debate over whether he was or wasn't.
Arizona residents began canceling vacations in California Monday in response to Californians canceling conventions in Arizona. Both sides are dug in. The only politically acceptable way to travel from one state to the other is to go through Mexico.
Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan spoke with Senate Judiciary Committee members Monday. Her confirmation would greatly alter the high court. It would put four New Yorkers in the same room every day, and it only takes three to prove a conspiracy.
The Supreme Court ruled Monday that repeat sex offenders can be kept in prison forever even after their sentences have ended. It put a damper on the Cannes Film Festival. Roman Polanski and Woody Allen have to go to all the premieres in disguise.
Boston Red Sox alum Bernie Carbo said he was on pot, speed and alcohol when he hit a World Series homer in the mid-Seventies. What an era. The only reason they had crates of champagne in the locker room was to get players in shape for the drive home.
The White House wouldn't let the government's Minerals Management Service testify to the Senate Monday about the BP gulf oil rig. They approved the BP rig and gave it a safety award. Goldman Sachs just asked the Minerals Management Service if they do bond ratings.
Nancy Pelosi told Californians Friday if they want to quit their job and be a musician they will still have health care. She's got it backwards. Last night in Los Angeles Paul McCartney posed for pictures with diners at Morton's and then he took their order.
Miss Michigan Rima Fakih became the first Arab-American to be crowned Miss USA Saturday. Talk about change. If someone had told you eight years ago that by now we'd have a president whose middle name was Hussein and a Shiite Muslim would be Miss USA you'd have said no way, NBC will cancel Law and Order before that happens.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton