Jewish World Review May 17, 2010 / 4 Sivan 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
A Chicago high school official canceled a student trip to Arizona over the new immigration law. The official is a female gay rights activist. Sometimes when people are upset about being passed over for the U.S. Supreme Court they take it out on everyone at work.
President Obama enjoyed himself speaking at a town hall meeting in upstate New York Thursday. His staffers told reporters the president prefers audiences outside of Washington D.C. A comedian is no hero to the waitresses who see his act every night.
Attorney General Eric Holder admitted Thursday he hasn't read Arizona's immigration law. Democrats didn't read the bailout bill, the stimulus bill or the health care bill. The last first lady was into reading but this one just promotes vegetables.
John Kerry introduced the cap-and-trade bill in the Senate Thursday. It forces you to buy permission to emit carbon dioxide. It turns out the reason Bill Clinton never inhaled is because he knew he'd have to exhale and someday owe back taxes on it.
The Senate debated the Financial Reform Bill that lets the U.S. government track all bank transactions. It's one more database. When you charge an upcoming ski trip to your credit card it'll alert the local hospital that you're about to break your leg.
The FBI nabbed three Pakistanis in Massachusetts and Maine linked to the Times square bombing. They fled to New England and tried to blend in. It's the stupidest move by fugitives since O.J. and A.C. Cowling decided they would hide out in Orange County.
Richard Nixon's grandson Christopher Nixon Cox launched his campaign for U.S. Congress Monday in Suffolk County in New York. He's about to marry a beautiful billionaire. It would take Nixon's own flesh and blood to think of a way around the campaign finance laws designed to prevent another Nixon from ever getting elected.
The Bank of England said Friday the U.S. faces the same problems as Greece. If there are riots in America over budget cuts they could bump into riots over immigration rights and ignite with Tea Party protests and produce fission. The Hubble Telescope will have some spectacular photos of the clash but no one will be around to enjoy them.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton