Jewish World Review May 13, 2010 / 29 Iyar 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Tiger Woods flew home to Florida to treat his neck injury Monday. He can't drive, he can't putt, his neck's killing him, his wife's divorcing him and his swing coach has quit. His recovery from sexual addiction is the biggest flop since New Coke.
Betty White drew huge ratings hosting NBC's Saturday Night Live. It was amazing how many young viewers tuned in for the eighty-eight-year-old comedienne. NBC just announced that in five years she is going to take over the Tonight Show from Jay Leno.
President Obama called and congratulated David Cameron Tuesday for taking over the government from the Labor Party. The handwriting is clear. President Obama is now telling anybody who'll listen it was the Republican's idea to take over General Motors.
Texas Congressman Ron Paul's son Rand Paul is expected to win the GOP primary in Kentucky for Senate Tuesday. Ex-presidential candidate Ron is a gynecologist and son Rand is an eye surgeon. Voters like their small government philosophy, their foreign policy restraint and their ability to refill your prescription while you wait.
Sarah Palin said Tuesday she's begun began writing a new book for release this fall. It's called America By Heart: Reflections on Faith, Family and Flag. Liberals are just furious that Sarah Palin gets to drop F-bombs like that and get away with it.
The White House claimed Tuesday a national health crisis exists which requires government control of junk food marketing. They're really overstating the danger. Vending machines aren't sleeper cells sent into American schools by Hostess bin Laden.
Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad faced losing his U.S. citizenship Tuesday. We have to catch terrorists who marry for U.S. citizenship. They should flag anyone on e-Harmony who lists his interests as topless bars and bringing down the Great Satan.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton