Jewish World Review May 12, 2010 / 28 Iyar 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Wall Street shot up Monday on news of a Greek bailout and healthy U.S. corporate profit projections. Oil companies look great, led by Exxon, ConocoPhillips and Royal Dutch Shell. Gulf is also in the black, not the oil company, the Gulf of Mexico.
The European Union imposed a severe austerity program on Greece Monday, cutting their benefits. They had it coming. Greece invented democracy twenty-five hundred years ago and now U.S. soldiers have to travel all over the world imposing it on people.
President Obama named Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court Monday leaving the high court with no Protestants for the first time ever. We ran out. The third son in every Protestant family used to go into public service but now they join the PGA Tour.
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke told college seniors Saturday that money won't buy them happiness, citing the example of lottery winners. You'd expect this from the guy who just bailed out the banks. He's been around gambling junkies for so long it is the only language he knows.
Utah Senator Bob Bennett was denied a chance to run for re-election at Utah's GOP convention Saturday when he finished behind a Tea Party candidate. He voted for the TARP bill, sponsored a health care bill and broke his two-term limit pledge. He's so out of touch with the voters he showed up at the convention wearing a Lakers jersey.
The Hubble Telescope found water on a Saturn moon, providing more evidence that there's life out there. It's certainly logical. The surest sign that intelligent life exists somewhere else in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton