Jewish World Review May 3, 2010 / 19 Iyar 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama's appearance in Illinois Wednesday was protested by a local Tea Party. Someone called a SWAT team to break up the group of senior citizens in lawn chairs. It's a bad idea to assault senior citizens with batons because Medicare is already bankrupt.
Louisiana called out the National Guard when sabotage was suspected in the oil spill. Angry Prius owners are the chief suspects. If they can get gas prices above five dollars a gallon, they may be able to sell those cars for what they paid for them.
The White House said Thursday the Gulf of Mexico oil spill is of international significance. The spill consists of some of the highest-grade crude in the world. The oil is so light and sweet that every barrel comes with pastry and souffle recipes.
May Day protest marches by Hispanics turned ugly Saturday as eight more states considered proposals for an Arizona-style law. We've gotten so uptight. There was a time in this country when asking a Mexican for his papers meant you were about to share a joint.
Bill Clinton took up for Goldman Sachs executives Thursday but added that they make no-risk billions playing the derivatives market. He's right on this. It's the easiest way to make a fortune in America outside of marrying and divorcing Larry King.
Hillary Clinton was reported Thursday to be staying in touch with her political supporters and campaign donors. She's limited on what she can do as Secretary of State. As soon as President Obama decided to condemn Israel and side with the illegal immigrants, Hillary decided to open diplomatic relations with Iowa and New Hampshire.
The Pentagon said the Taliban was gaining in Afghanistan Thursday as U.S. troops labored under way-too-strict rules of engagement. If you kill a Taliban fighter, you could be put on trial, if you capture and grill them, you could be put on trial, if you taunt them you could be put on trial. This isn't a war, it's a Perry Mason marathon.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton