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February 10, 2012
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David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
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Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
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Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
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Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
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Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
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Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
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January 13, 2012
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Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
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John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
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January 11, 2012
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Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
May 26, 2009/ 3 Sivan 5769
Stimulus for the dead
By
Tom Purcell
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Dead? What do you mean you're dead?
You heard me. My physical life has long been over. Some of us are able to show ourselves to the living and that is why I'm here now.
What do you want?
Respect, my friend -- and money.
Ah, yes, you speak of recent reports about long-dead people receiving stimulus payments from the Social Security Administration. Upward of 10,000 dead people were paid -- and some of them died very long ago.
We deserve that money.
But you're dead.
Look, remember when Bill Clinton became president? He passed a retroactive tax -- one that raised taxes of some people AFTER they had died.
You have to give Clinton points for creativity.
Well, we dead weren't going to take that lying down. We formed our own lobbying group, the AADP.
The American Association of Dead People?
That's right. As we see it, we deserve our own slice of the government-waste pie. Many of the politicians running this country certainly owe us.
Owe you?
Take the electoral process. Do you know how many candidates dead voters get elected every election cycle? You never would have heard of JFK if our coalition of the dead in Chicago hadn't been so active.
Fair enough.
And what about health care? By croaking, we save Medicare and private insurers billions -- freeing up needed resources for the living.
Another fair point.
And think of how much revenue we generate. We pay inheritance taxes when we die. We generate revenue for undertakers, graveyard caretakers, hearse manufacturers and the linen industry.
The linen industry?
Handkerchiefs. The point is, we contribute more to the living than many of the living do. We deserve our fair share of the government-waste pie.
Look, you make some fair points, but I still think it's wrong for the government to send money to the dead.
But you already are. The government has spent billions propping up dead industries and companies. It has wasted billions of taxpayer dollars on GM -- money taxpayers won't get back.
A fair point.
Look at your state governments. During boom times, they overextended themselves on wasteful programs, generous benefits for state employees and all kinds of wrongheaded ideas. Now they want to soak taxpayers even more -- some propose billions in life support from the federal government.
Another fair point.
What about the myriad of old, dead ideas that the Obama administration is pushing? Massive government spending and trillion-dollar deficits as far as the eye can see.
Such ideas may drive some of us to an early grave.
What about the government's massive intervention into health care, the auto industry, the energy industry? The folks running the government are trying to force desired outcomes in how the living receive care, the kind of cars they drive, the way energy is produced. And here's the deadest idea of all: There will be massive tax increases to pay for it all!
OK, your points are well-taken. Still, it wouldn't make sense for any government to purposely send checks to the dead. That would be so wasteful.
But don't you see? Of all the wasteful government programs, paying the dead will produce the biggest benefit. Our heirs will forge our signatures on our checks and use the money to go out to dinner, buy new televisions, maybe buy a new car.
That would be illegal, but I see your point.
As our heirs spend our money, it will stimulate the economy. As the economy grows, jobs will be produced and government revenues will go back up. Investing in the dead is a bargain. Besides, by formally establishing a new government program to pay the dead, you will help us attain eternity.
Eternity?
Government programs never die.
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ARCHIVES
© 2009, Tom Purcell
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