Jewish World Review May 22, 2009 / 28 Iyar 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Barack and Michelle Obama Paper Doll and Cut-Out Book comes out today. It features their inaugural outfits, European visit ensembles and beachwear. They were going to include the cars they own but the GM and Chrysler fleets took up too much room in the package.
The Food and Drug Administration issued orders Monday requiring labels on food to be more specific when stating fat content. This is long overdue. Food products will now be labeled no-fat, low-fat, reduced-fat and fat but with a great personality.
Woody Allen was awarded five million dollars in damages from American Apparel for using his image in an ad without permission. The company had said Allen's image has no dollar value considering his world-famous scandals. That's ridiculous, Calvin Klein built an entire brand identity based on sexualizing twelve-year-olds.
President Obama met with resistance from Cuba on opening doors Monday. He said further progress would involve Cuba's willingness to free all political prisoners held on the island. They'd love to comply, but security at Guantanamo is really tight.
NASA astronauts finished fixing the Hubble Telescope out in space Monday. They have to get it right the first time because they'll never be able to get back there again. Anybody who's had their kitchen remodeled by an illegal alien knows the feeling.
Wall Street banks asked the government for permission to return the TARP money on Monday. Bankers want to pay it back and ditch the salary cap, but the government would rather decline the payback to keep control over the banks. The White House Counsel has assured the president that the Emancipation Proclamation doesn't apply to bankers.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2009, Argus Hamilton