Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 4, 2009 / 10 Iyar 5769

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The White House said Friday a staffer got the swine flu while he was in Mexico with the president two weeks ago. He brought the flu germs aboard Air Force One. Now all of lower Manhattan has it and the Statue of Liberty is looking a little green.


Mexico's health officials insisted Friday they're getting the swine flu epidemic under control. It's not the first time Mexico has had an outbreak of disease. People are just now figuring out that Zorro lived to be ninety because he always wore a mask.


Florida farmers began plowing under this year's tomato harvest due to the lower demand at the market. The tomato has three vital functions. It's a fruit, it's a vegetable, and it's a reminder to comedians that our option comes up after every joke.


A Florida attorney lost his license Tuesday for arranging for an eighteen-year-old girl to work off her legal bill in bed. Every time she had sex with him he took two hundred dollars off her legal bill. He has been disbarred for double billing.


Alex Rodriguez was accused Thursday of tipping off pals on opposing teams to the pitch that was coming. He's now had three cheating accusations in three months. Everybody figured he would break Henry Aaron's record but nobody ever thought he'd break Bill Clinton's.


Nevada's Moonlite BunnyRanch brothel offered Rod Blagojevich an HBO reality show in which he'd supervise the hookers while they tried to tempt him. Imagine his dismay. The whole idea of beginning a new life was to get away from Illinois politics.


May Day brought out Hispanic marchers in Los Angeles Friday for illegal alien rights. They demanded the full rights of American citizenship. They want Social Security and voting rights, thirty percent of Chrysler and sixty percent of Citigroup.


Michelle Obama wore five-hundred-dollar sneakers to a food bank after she had worn a five-hundred-dollar blouse to plant a tree. They are both made by Lanvin. She's being criticized for buying French instead of buying Chinese like the rest of us.


Barack Obama attends a fundraiser in Beverly Hills next week. Seats are twenty-five hundred and dinner with him is forty thousand. The New York Yankees just asked him to name his price to stand in the on-deck circle until all the season tickets are sold.


Supreme Court Justice David Souter said Friday he will retire from the Court in June. He's a lifelong bachelor who spent his life living alone in a cabin in the woods in New Hampshire. He only accepted a job on the Supreme Court because he was tired of being interrogated every time the cops were looking for a serial killer.


President Obama announced the Supreme Court's vacancy Friday. He made clear what he's looking for in the new justice. The search is on for a disabled bilingual woman of color with paid-up taxes who baby-sits her own children and mows her own lawn.


President Obama declared Friday he will consider a Supreme Court nominee's life experience as much as the nominee's judicial experience. He won't have a litmus test except for one thing. Nobody gets nominated unless they favor college football playoffs.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.

Argus' Archives

© 2009, Argus Hamilton

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles