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Jewish World Review
May 28, 2008
/ 23 Iyar 5768
Sometimes even paranoids have something to be paranoid about
Jackie Mason & Raoul Felder
Did you hear the one about the Jew who says to his psychiatrist that he believes the psychiatrist is plotting his destruction? The psychiatrist tells him that he has a sick delusion and should not worry, since the psychiatrist is there to protect him. The poor jerk is happy until he looks up at the diplomas on the wall and sees the psychiatrist's middle name is Hussein, and a diploma from a Muslim school.
Forget Reverend Wright, Obama's twenty-year mentor who preached racial hate and America-hate. Forget that he was Obama's spiritual advisor, baptized his children, and counseled with him for twenty years. Forget that Obama says he sat there for twenty years and never heard any of it and never spoke to for twenty years the hundreds of thousands of people who sat in church with him and also never heard any of them mention the sermons to him, or heard any of them speak to each other about the sermons. Perhaps he has a hearing problem and, if you believe him, perhaps you would like to buy this bridge that we would like to sell you on eBay.
OK, also forget Obama's lack of experience, although any reasonable person must be just a little concerned by this. If we were to hire a plumber to fix our toilet, we would want to make sure he had experience fixing toilets. For a plumber yes. For a president not necessary.
While we are forgetting, also forget Michelle Obama, who says this is the first time in her life she has ever been proud of America. But even she would have to admit that we do some things well, like Broadway shows, making cornflakes, taking out gallbladders, and fixing teeth. The whole world would admit we do these things better than anybody else. The next time she needs a cavity filled, maybe she wants to look up a dentist in Czechoslovakia. Grab a piece of paper and make a list of the things we do better than any other country in the world no, grab a whole notebook because you will soon run out of paper.
So now, we come to Jews. We would be the first to admit that there are plenty of Jews we don't like, but as a race, we would fight for their survival. And, admittedly, the principal enemy against their very survival is the militant Muslims.
Israel is just 60 years old, a drop in the bucket of historical time, but Jews have lived in Israel for over 3,300 years, 1,800 years before the Arabs ever showed up with their goats and soldiers. Jerusalem was the Jewish capital for all of these 3300 years and was never the capital of any Muslim or Arab state. In the Second World War the Jews fought both the Nazis and the Arabs. The Arabs fought the Jews and supported the Nazis.
In 1947 the United Nations created both Jewish and Arab states. The Jews abided by this mandate, five Arab armies attacked Israel. The Arabs told the Palestinians to leave Israel, and when they followed instructions, their fellow Arabs put them in camps where they still remain to this day. Many times since 1947, through multiple accords, the Palestinians have been offered a separate state next to Israel. They and the Arab leaders have always refused this. Instead whether they be al Qaeda, Ahmadinejad, the Islamic Jihad, Hamas, Hezbollah they have consistently called for the destruction of Israel. Ahmadinejad threatens Israel with nuclear weapons and calls it a "stinking corpse," and supplies arms to terrorists, Kasam rockets rain down on Israel, Hamas threatens Israel's destruction, religious Fatwahs are issued.
All of this gives us at least the right to say that, as lawyers do, the burden of proof shifts to the man whose middle name is Hussein and who was educated in a Muslim school, to demonstrate that he is committed to the preservation of Israel. He has every right in our country a country that his wife has never, until now, been proud of not to be so committed. But Jews have every right not to support him or vote for him until he meets his burden of proof.
And, oh yeah, if you know any experienced plumbers, give us a call. There are still some jobs where experience counts.
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© 2008, Jackie Mason & Raul Felder.
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