Jewish World Review May 29, 2008 / 24 Iyar 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Indiana Jones was denounced by Russia's Communist Party Monday. They don't like the way the film portrays communists as evil and ruthless. They paid a lot of money to infiltrate Hollywood to make sure every evil and ruthless villain is a capitalist.
St. Paul's minor league baseball team announced it will give Larry Craig Bobble-Foot Dolls to fans next week, with doll-sized toilet stalls sold separately. That's just not right. It's the senators that are for sale, the toilets have always been free.
The Indianapolis 500 boasted its deepest field of superstar drivers in history on Memorial Day following the recent American open-field merger. The race did make one concession to the skyrocketing price of gasoline. They put two drivers in each car.
Congress gave out billions to farmers Wednesday by passing the farm bill. Life is good on the prairie. If you think Big Brown commands high stud fees, polygamists in Texas are getting three hundred dollars a child from the president's stimulus package.
Hillary Clinton reminded reporters Friday that Bobby Kennedy was assassinated while campaigning in June. She was making the case that anything can still happen. Her campaign pollster has assured her that nothing sells like optimism and gun rights.
Bill Clinton admonished reporters covering the campaign in South Dakota Sunday, saying the media is not reporting polls which show that only Hillary can beat John McCain in November. He said this is the biggest cover-up he's ever seen. He's far too modest.
Barack Obama gave his Memorial Day speech in Las Cruces Monday. He praised the long line of fallen heroes and added he saw some of them in the crowd. So many dead people vote for him in Chicago, perhaps some of them are still wintering in New Mexico.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton