Jewish World Review May 20, 2008 / 15 Iyar 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Teddy Kennedy was hospitalized Saturday after the senator had a couple of mild seizures. Doctors told reporters it's common for a man his age. It could have been very serious, John McCain was almost killed in the stampede to be his vice president.
Hillary Clinton lauded Ted Kennedy Saturday although he backs Obama. She bears no grudges. No one wants to say she has a voodoo doll but after Ted Kennedy went to the hospital, Ken Starr slept without back pain for the first time since Whitewater.
Big Brown captured the Preakness at Pimlico on Saturday. It's the second leg of racing's Triple Crown. The first leg is the Kentucky Derby, the second leg is the Preakness, the third leg is what makes them all the money when they retire from racing.
The Kentucky Horse Racing Authority announced Friday that the euthanized filly Eight Belles tested negative for steroids. Everyone was relieved to hear the test results. If she had tested positive for steroids she would have been shot for perjury.
New England coach Bill Belichick lashed out at cheating accusations against him on the CBS Evening News Friday. Everyone in football knows he runs a loose ship. Bill Belichick has a lifetime offer from USC to be the school's director of NCAA compliance.
Albert Einstein's letter to a philosopher was auctioned Friday for four hundred thousand dollars. He's the most famous scientist ever. His theory of relativity demonstrated that once you become successful, your relatives come out of the woodwork.
Hillary Clinton told an Oregon crowd Saturday she has been declared dead many times and it's always premature, adding that she hopes it's premature this time, too. We might as well elect her and get it over with. If Hillary Clinton turns out to be immortal she's going to run for president every four years for the rest of eternity.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton