Jewish World Review May 16, 2008 / 11 Iyar 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
John McCain was invited to make a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live this weekend. It's to give the program balance. The show already has a Hillary Clinton impersonator and a Barack Obama impersonator and they needed a Republican impersonator.
Barbara Walters confessed she had simultaneous affairs with a married black U.S. senator, the Bear Stearns chairman, and Alan Greenspan thirty years ago. This was the Seventies. Everybody wanted to look like they were doing cocaine even if they weren't.
Drew Barrymore was victim of a hit-and-run in Los Angeles Monday. People think that tailgating helps gas mileage. Drivers are following each other so closely on the freeway that committed relationships are forming between Priuses and Range Rovers.
The Interior Department placed the polar bear on the Endangered Species List, citing the break-up of the ice shelf in Alaska. It could be curtains for the once feared giant white beast. Hillary Clinton's base of support is in trouble everywhere.
Chelsea Clinton campaigned in Puerto Rico for her mom Wednesday. She wanted to hold an event on a Navy bombing range but they wouldn't allow it. Chelsea would look out of place addressing a rally in a replica of downtown Tehran without a head scarf.
Hillary Clinton told CNN Wednesday if she doesn't get the nomination she will tell her voters it would be a grave mistake to vote for John McCain. It sounded sincere. Up until that moment, Meryl Streep was considered America's leading actress.
Senator Arlen Specter accused NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell of covering up the New England Patriots Spygate scandal Wednesday. He said the commissioner destroyed notes and tapes and selectively interviewed witnesses. If the senator had been this mad about warrantless wiretapping, Eliot Spitzer would still be governor of New York.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton