Jewish World Review May 14, 2008 / 9 Iyar 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Roger Clemens was excluded from the Olympic baseball team Friday. It's for the best. There's no point in having security surrounding the Olympic Village if you are going to let Roger Clemens sleep next door to all those fifteen-year-old gymnasts.
The Chicago White Sox were caught with two female blow-up dolls in their locker room. They look terrible. The dolls were intended to be good-luck charms, but the players keep jabbing them with needles thinking it will make their breasts bigger.
The Washington Post reported Monday on the print media and cable news attempts to anoint Barack Obama the nominee. It seems one-sided. A dove appeared out of nowhere in the West Virginia skies yesterday and made Hillary wish she had worn a hat.
Barack Obama was in Missouri Tuesday for a conference held in Rush Limbaugh's hometown of Cape Girardeau. He was getting routed in West Virginia and trailing big in Kentucky. Eight Belles had a prettier victory lap at Churchill Downs last Saturday.
Hillary Clinton won the West Virginia primary Tuesday. She successfully argued that she can win working-class whites, women, and Hispanic voters. Hillary has had more rationales for continuing her candidacy than George Bush had for staying in Iraq.
Barack Obama wore a U.S. flag pin on his lapel Monday for the first time in months. It's no mystery. His pollster told him the only way he's going to be elected president is if Jeremiah Wright drops dead of a heart attack before the Democratic convention.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton