Jewish World Review May 30, 2007 / 13 Sivan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Dr. Jack Kevorkian will be released from prison Thursday after serving eight years for assisting a patient's suicide on television. He may be able to put his skills to work in the presidential race. Everybody agrees that ten candidates on each side is way too many.
Lindsay Lohan was arrested for drunk driving Saturday and cocaine was found in her wrecked car in Beverly Hills. Her lawyers are really going to have their hands full. The police laboratory found high levels of blood in her drug and alcohol stream.
The Charles Dickens Theme Park opened in London on Sunday. The theme park lets tourists see life in nineteenth-century London as immortalized by the novelist. It is believed to be the cleverest way a city ever devised to conceal a homeless problem.
Complete Moisture Plus was recalled Monday when the contact lens product began causing serious eye infections due to poison in the solution. The company's plant is in China. It's not the first time that China has taken a Russian idea and run with it.
CalTrans reopened a fire-melted Bay Area freeway ramp Friday after fixing it in one month. Federal experts had said it would take a year. The feds don't know it, but the real reason Californians selected a German governor was to crack the whip on freeway repair crews.
Rudy Giuliani reported Thursday that he pays his wife Judy Nathan ten thousand dollars a month to write his speeches. There's nothing wrong with that. It's a refreshing change of pace to see a candidate pay a woman to express herself and not to keep quiet.
The American Legion denounced John Edwards Monday for calling for Memorial Day to be a day to protest Iraq. It angered veterans and it angered the candidate's own security detail. All day long, John Edwards's Secret Service code name was Barbarella.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton