Jewish World Review May 22, 2007 / 5 Sivan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Cutty Sark caught fire in Greenwich, where the famed clipper was dry-docked for a hundred and fifty years. The news spread quickly. When John Daly heard the Cutty Sark was on fire he ran back to the clubhouse to try to save the rest of the inventory.
The U.S. Senate opened debate on an immigration reform bill Monday that was still being written by its proponents. Some senators objected to voting for a bill they couldn't read. Making Spanish the official language could turn into a real deal-breaker.
Hillary Clinton said Monday the U.S. government should pay for pre-school for all four-year-old kids in America. It's not fair. After making it all the way across the Mojave Desert, shouldn't they be allowed to relax and enjoy their childhood for a year?
Newsweek ran a cover story Monday wondering if Bill Clinton would misbehave if Hillary's elected president. The last time he was in the White House he tripled the stock market, balanced the budget and saved Kosovo with no casualties. Abraham Lincoln would order his aides to find who he's doing and send her to all his generals.
Congress threatened the NFL with action Monday if Michael Vick isn't penalized for raising pit bulls for dog fighting. He's a threat to the league. Michael Vick is the only guy who knows how to make the Westminster Dog Show outdraw the Super Bowl.
New England Patriots receiver Randy Moss reported to mini-camp Friday following his trade from the Oakland Raiders. Both teams have the Midas touch. Everything New England touches turns to gold, while everything Oakland touches turns to mufflers.
Kentucky Derby winner Street Sense was edged at the wire by Curlin Saturday in the Preakness at Pimlico. A record eighty-six million dollars was bet at the track but the favorite horse barely lost. A racetrack is a place where windows clean people.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton