Jewish World Review May 16, 2007 / 28 Iyar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
NASCAR team owner Joe Gibbs balked at signing Dale Earnhardt Jr. because of his ties to Budweiser. He thinks it's wrong for drivers to endorse alcohol. Joe Gibbs is a football guy and he doesn't want to do anything to promote Major League Baseball.
Donald Trump's The Apprentice was left off NBC's fall lineup Monday. It's a tabloid emergency. With Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump off the air and Paris Hilton in jail, Bill Clinton may have to let Africa fend for itself while he feeds the comedians.
Paris Hilton revealed Sunday that she is taking karate lessons in Beverly Hills so she can protect herself inside jail. Her incarceration day is two weeks away. She will be taken inside, strip searched and photographed, or as she calls it, dating.
Hollywood director Quentin Tarantino said Tuesday he has become a Buddhist and believes he was a black slave in America in his former life. He genuinely believes it. He gets a nasty flashback every time he pulls the cotton out of an aspirin bottle.
Farmers Branch voted Saturday to make it a crime to let illegal aliens live or work in the Dallas suburb. Now everybody has to buy hedge clippers. If there's one thing we learned in six years it's how dangerous it is to let the Bushes get out of control.
The GOP presidential candidates debated abortion Tuesday. One candidate was pro-life, one was pro-choice, one left it to the courts and one said it's a woman's decision. It's amazing how Rudy Giuliani squeezed that whole answer into sixty seconds.
Mike Wallace asked Mitt Romney on 60 Minutes Sunday if he and his wife had sex before marriage. It's a tough but logical question to ask a religious conservative. To be fair he plans to ask Democrats if they have ever been in bed with a teachers' union.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton