Jewish World Review May 8, 2007 / 20 Iyar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Paris Hilton got forty-five days in Los Angeles county jail Friday. O.J. Simpson is out on the golf course, Robert Blake is walking free, and Paris Hilton is going to jail. It is just more evidence that in Los Angeles the only crime is having no talent.
The Weather Channel showed tornadoes roaring through the Middle West this past weekend. The damage was the number-one news topic on Sunday. George Tenet said he knew the tornadoes were coming and told Condoleezza Rice, but she failed to warn Kansas.
Warren Beatty said he will compete for the role of Richard Nixon in the film version of Nixon and Frost against the Broadway play's star, Frank Langella. One played Bugsy Siegel and one played Dracula. They're both so evenly qualified for the role it may have to be settled by a coin flip.
David Hasselhoff lost his job as star of The Producers at Paris Las Vegas when a video surfaced of him dead drunk. What a career low. He played a cross-dressing gay Broadway director who stars as Hitler, and he's being fired over character issues.
Washington D.C. madam Debbie Palfrey said Sunday she and her call girls shouldn't have to go to jail while their customers go free. These men aren't off the hook yet. The moment her trial is over she's joining the writing staff of How I Met Your Mother.
First Lady Laura Bush hosted a formal dinner for Queen Elizabeth Monday. The dress code was white-tie-and-tails for the men. They sometimes had white tails at the Clinton White House but the bunnies were always cleared out before Hillary came home.
Hillary Clinton announced Sunday she wants to repeal the Senate authorization for the president to go to war in Iraq. She wants to make the war illegal. Once the troops in Iraq are felons, they can't vote in Florida and her election is assured.
French voters elected conservative Nicolas Sarkozy the new president of France on Sunday. He defeated the first woman to run for president. John Kerry and Al Gore placed a conference call to Hillary Clinton and told her the people have spoken.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton