Jewish World Review May 7, 2007 / 19 Iyar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Queen Elizabeth addressed the Virginia General Assembly Thursday. She didn't apologize for slavery or for the Anglo-Saxon conquest of North America. Hardly a day goes by that another name isn't crossed off the list of people who might replace Don Imus.
Queen Elizabeth took a tour of Colonial Williamsburg in a horse-drawn carriage Thursday. The restored town is an exact replica of America three hundred years ago. It's the only place in the United States where you don't have to press two for English.
Tel Aviv was the scene of a massive protest Wednesday by Israelis demanding the resignation of Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. He has a zero-percent approval rating and there's a woman waiting to take his place. Israel is not just an ally, it's a parallel universe.
Tony Blair refused an offer Friday to go on the lecture circuit when he leaves office. He said he wants to set up a foundation to help pacify Africa and he wants to act as an emissary on behalf of President Bush. There's a good chance he got that backwards.
Talladega Superspeedway banished fourteen fans for hurling cans full of beer at Jeff Gordon as he crossed the finish line last weekend. It wasn't the time or place. There are speed limit signs on highways throughout the South for this kind of activity.
Cornell researchers studied NBA foul calls over the last fifteen years and said white referees call more fouls on black players than they do on white players. The report certainly didn't have its intended effect in Los Angeles. Hispanics rioted.
Hillary Clinton refused to fly in a Gulfstream II private jet provided for her in South Carolina and demanded the more luxurious Gulfstream III. She was on her way to California. She can't be seen in something the valets are embarrassed to park.
Capitol Hill lawmakers expressed outrage on Thursday when the Iraqi parliament proposed to shut down for a two-month vacation. The Iraqi people traditionally do not work during the months of May and June. In that way they're a lot like the Lakers.
Condi Rice attended a conference in Cairo Thursday to discuss ways of achieving peace and human rights in the Middle East. She gave a stern lecture to the Syrians. She doesn't think their torture and detention policy is harsh enough on the terrorists.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton