Jewish World Review May 4, 2007 / 16 Iyar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Paul McCartney is set to release his twenty-first solo album next month. It is on the new Hear Music label owned by Starbucks. The company called Paul McCartney after they decided Phil Spector wasn't the best spokesman for a caffeinated beverage.
Queen Elizabeth visits Jamestown today on the four hundredth anniversary of the founding of Virginia. So much has changed. Those first English settlers could never dream that four centuries later, golf balls would fly eighty yards farther off the tee.
Don Imus hired First Amendment lawyer Martin Garbus to sue CBS Radio for forty million dollars. The case is as good as won. Martin Garbus used to defend Lenny Bruce on indecent language charges, and nappy-headed ho's was Lenny's church-crowd material.
New York Yankees pitcher Phil Hughes injured his hamstring Tuesday, leaving the luckless Yankee pitching staff with three pulled hamstrings and a sore back. George Steinbrenner got more satisfaction out of his racehorses. At least he could shoot them.
Laura Bush got big a laugh kidding her husband on American Idol Tuesday. She's a natural. The First Lady was a smash hit doing stand-up at the Correspondents Dinner three years ago, but she told one mother-in-law joke and she hasn't worked since.
Washington madam Debbie Palfrey handed her list of sex clients to ABC News for airing tonight. She'll subpoena every man who says it actually wasn't sex to be her defense witness. This adds a whole new meaning to a woman having to use the john, or does it?
CIA former chief George Tenet denied all blame Tuesday for faulty intelligence on Iraq. He made out all right. He got the Medal of Freedom, a huge book deal and he is hosting a new quiz show called Are You as Good at Avoiding Blame as a Fifth Grader.
Al Gore's book An Inconvenient Truth enjoyed a publicity bonanza Monday. A Napa Valley hotel placed his book in the rooms' nightstands instead of the Gideon Bible. What's the big difference when you consider that both books end with the world on fire?
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton