Jewish World Review May 2, 2007 / 14 Iyar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Hispanic protesters marched in Los Angeles Tuesday to support illegal aliens' rights. The turnout wasn't nearly as big as last year. The number of people who had to make a run for the border after eating at Taco Bell was much higher than believed.
The Kentucky Derby will be run for the first time ever Saturday on a synthetic track surface. The horses' safety is the main concern. If any of these horses get injured during their racing careers the owners stand to lose millions in carpool fees.
Secretary of State Condi Rice arrives in Cairo tomorrow for a security conference about Iraq. Diplomacy is not exactly the administration's strong suit. When you call the State Department, the on-hold music is a telephone message from Alec Baldwin.
New Jersey Governor John Corzine left the hospital Monday after nearly getting killed in a car wreck going ninety miles an hour on a freeway three weeks ago. His doctors marvel at his rate of improvement. He drove home going seventy miles an hour.
John Edwards' wife Elizabeth told New Hampshire Democrats Monday her husband will do more for women than any other candidate in the field. That's ridiculous and untrue. If Hillary Clinton becomes president, everyone knows that First Gentleman Bill Clinton will do more for women, but we'll never hear about it if he can help it.
Richard Gere faces an arrest warrant in India after he kissed an Indian actress on Indian television offending India's cultural sensibilities. Don't they know he's the American Gigolo? India needs to realize that cultural respect is a two-way street.
Democrats held their first presidential debate Thursday in South Carolina. For ninety minutes eight Democrats were well-mannered and polite and soft-spoken. If Howard Dean doesn't adjust their meds, nobody's going to watch the next time they debate.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton