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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 30, 2006 / 3 Sivan, 5766

First things first: Seek shelter

By Jan L. Warner & Jan Collins


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Q: I am a 77-year-old widower in fairly good health. Shortly after my wife died five years ago, my son asked me to come to live with him and his wife, as I had been living alone. So I moved halfway across the country and moved in. After doing so, we found his house was too small, and he suggested adding a small apartment for me, which I thought was a good idea. So I paid the $85,000 cost of construction and $10,000 more for furniture with the understanding I would be able to stay there until I needed a nursing home or died. I have also paid my son and daughter-in-law $800 each month for my share of the food and utilities. I pay my other expenses. I have a daughter I see infrequently.


Recently, I have been getting the cold shoulder from my son and his wife, who tell me that my presence has put a strain on his marriage, and I will have to move. I was surprised because I have stayed to myself and tried not to interfere. He said nothing about my $85,000 but told me I could have my furniture. My monthly income from Social Security and a pension is $2,750, and I have about $175,000 left in certificates of deposit from the sale of my home. My daughter says that I should get the $85,000 back from my son, but she and her family don't have room for me. I have moved away from all of my friends and don't know where to turn. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone what a schnook I have been. Should my son give me my $85,000 back? Where should I live and who can help me? What should I do about my will and power of attorney, which name my son, especially since my daughter has no time for me either?


A: First and foremost, you need a place to live. If you are going to stay in the same area as your son, you may wish to contact independent-living and assisted-living facilities in your area and begin taking tours to see which one you like. It may be a good idea for you to spend the weekend in one of the facilities to acclimate yourself. If not, you can go back to your hometown and do the same thing.

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Or you may want to contact a private geriatric-care manager in your area who knows what facilities are available and can help get you placed. In this way, you will have a private resource with whom you can have a personal relationship. If you cannot find a care manager in your local phone book, you can locate one near you by visiting the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers' Web site at www.caremanager.org.


As to your son and the $85,000, the money was not a gift to him because you apparently did not file a gift tax return. Generally, agreements regarding real estate must be in writing, especially between family members. Here, there is none, but you certainly provided the money and can probably claim that you performed your end of the "contract" but he breached his. You could ask a judge to require him and his wife to "specifically perform" and allow you to stay, but this would not work. Or you could claim that he and his wife are holding your money in a "constructive trust," especially since you and your son are in a confidential relationship. The law does not allow a person to keep money that has been acquired through a breach of trust or the violation of a fiduciary duty, which is what we believe you have here.


With your income and remaining assets, you should have no problem affording a comfortable independent or assisted-living environment. If you and your son are still getting along otherwise, there would be no real reason to change your powers of attorney; however, if you are not, you should carefully consider the replacement. Your daughter lives far away and has little contact with you, but she may be the best choice. You have no friends in the area. Under the circumstances, your son may not be the best choice. You may find a trust department of a small bank will help you. But when you change, make sure your power of attorney does not become effective unless and until you are incapacitated, and do not include gifting provision so all the rest of your money is available for your care.


And if your son does not return the $85,000 and he remains a beneficiary of your will, you may want to direct that the gift you made offsets any other funds he may receive at your death.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JAN L. WARNER received his A.B. and J.D. degrees from the University of South Carolina and earned a Master of Legal Letters (L.L.M.) in Taxation from the Emory University School of Law in Atlanta, Georgia. He is a frequent lecturer at legal education and public information programs throughout the United States. His articles have been published in national and state legal publications. Jan Collins began co-authoring Flying SoloŽ in 1989. She has more than 27 years of experience as a journalist, writer, and editor. To comment or ask a question, please click here.

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