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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 2, 2006 / 4 Iyar, 5766

Excise anger from your life

By Marty Nemko

Nemko
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Anger destroys careers. It destroys relationships. You may think it lets off steam or shows how passionate you are, but getting angry almost invariably loses you more than you gain. Your bosses, co-workers, romantic partners, and children may kowtow in the short run, but they'll increasingly try to avoid doing what you'd like them to — it's only natural for people to try to foil someone who tries to intimidate them.


An angry personality can also cost you your life. Anger creates the physiological fight-or-flight response, which takes a toll on the body.


If you can stop being an angry person, you life will dramatically improve. The following plan has helped me and many of my formerly angry clients:


1. Fully accept that anger hurts you more than it helps. A low-anger life is a happier life.

2. Remember that nearly everyone dislikes angry people: they're viewed as jerks, out-of-control, at minimum, not likeable. How do you feel about chronically angry people? Is that how you want to be perceived?

3. Do not, for a moment, believe you need to show anger to demonstrate passion. The most successful, efficacious people rarely get angry. For example, watch the government proceedings on C-SPAN. There, you'll see America's most influential people: senators, CEOs, top consultants. Even if they're discussing something as crucial as weapons of mass destruction, the vast majority of them are calm, albeit focused. Focused, definitely yes; angry, no.

4. In most cases, anger-proneness is partly physiological. One client said, "I must have a huge adrenal gland. I go from zero to 60 in one second." For such people, the most effective anger management technique is to structure your life so you're less likely to be angry: As much as possible, work alone or with co-workers you respect. Avoid friends who often frustrate you.

5. Go cold turkey. If you allow anger as an option, you'll too often let yourself be angry, which almost always is a mistake. Calm concern yes; anger no. Ask for what you want, yes; get furious, no. Of course, especially in the beginning, you'll occasionally slip up, but eventually, you will improve. I used to get angry almost daily. Now, it's more like every month, and I only reach the yelling point perhaps twice a year.

6. If you wait until you've boiled over, you won't be able to stop yourself. So be alert to your first signs of anger: your face getting flushed, your body tensing, whatever. Every time you start to feel angry with someone, leave the room. Then take five deep breaths and ask yourself, "Is this worth getting angry over?" or "Will this matter a week from now? A year from now?" One of my clients would frequently yell at her second grader for not doing his homework. Worth discussing, yes. Yelling, no. In fact, the yelling only makes the child more resistant.

7. Become more accepting of people. No one is deliberately stupid or insensitive. Most people are doing the best they can; they're simply flawed, just like you and me. So, substitute "He's human," for "What an idiot!"

8. Accept that some things are beyond our control. Substitute, "Stuff happens" for 'It's not fair."

9. Replace your anger with gratitude. Sure, your boss may be insensitive. Sure your job, spouse, or children could be better. But focusing on that half- or even 3/4-empty glass only ensures you'll be an unhappy person. Be grateful for the good. At the risk of sounding like your mother, people really are starving in Africa.

10. If there's a problem, don't fume; improve. Even small steps help. For example, if your job is boring, learn a new skill or pick up a hobby. If your apartment is a pigsty, clean one corner of one room. If you and your spouse are always arguing, agree on how you'll address one small problem.


Excise anger from your life and you'll be happier and more successful. I promise.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

400+ of Dr. Nemko's published writings are on www.martynemko.com. Comment by clicking here.

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