Jewish World Review May 25, 2006 / 27 Iyar, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Jerry Lewis, it was announced Tuesday, will perform in Las
Vegas in July after a six-year absence. He's a show business
legend. Jerry Lewis is the man who drove Dean Martin to drink,
then pulled away before he came out of the liquor store.
Shaquille O'Neal leads the Miami Heat against the Detroit
Pistons tonight in the Eastern Finals of the NBA playoffs. The
star center is a fully trained Miami cop. His dream is to pound
enough black men in the lane to become a Los Angeles cop.
New Orleans conducted a hurricane drill for citizens and
businesses on Monday to rehearse for a Category Five. No detail
was overlooked. In case looting breaks out again, Wal-Mart
employees are instructed to seek safety in the country music section.
Osama bin Laden cleared Zacarias Moussaoui of plotting the
World Trade Center attack. He waited until the trial was over
before he made the statement. He did not want to get a subpoena
because those New York process servers can find anybody.
House Speaker Denny Hastert protested the FBI raid on U.S.
Congressman William Jefferson's office as an abuse of power on
Tuesday. The FBI found ninety thousand dollars in the
congressman's home freezer accidentally. They were looking for Hoffa.
Congressman William Jefferson of Louisiana refused to resign
on Monday after FBI agents nailed him in a bribery sting. It fits
a pattern. Nine out of ten congressmen believe morals are
paintings on a wall and scruples are money in Russia.
Mexico's President Vicente Fox paid an official state visit
to Utah Tuesday, then to Washington state on Wednesday, and he is
scheduled to fly to California today. He gets the same reaction
everywhere he goes. What's one more at this point?
Chevy Chase auctioned off a private meeting with Bill
Clinton to benefit his health foundation. Bidding hit ten thousand
dollars Tuesday. The popular comedian made the nation laugh with
his smooth delivery and leering manner, and so did Chevy Chase.
The New York Post said Monday that Paris Hilton was paid one million dollars to attend a cocktail party in Austria last week and two hundred thousand dollars to attend a party in southern France this week. Her price is plummeting. The Labor Department put her in the consumer price index to balance out the rise in oil prices.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton