Jewish World Review May 22, 2006 / 24 Iyar, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Paul McCartney said Wednesday he and Heather Mills are
divorcing. Four years ago he refused to get a pre-nup, thinking
that their love would last forever. When she takes him for every
dime he's got, think of the country music hits he will write.
Paul McCartney said Wednesday he's divorcing his wife and
added he never asked her for a pre-nup. What a shame. Paul
McCartney could have saved half a billion dollars cash by
attending just one of Donald Trump's lectures at the Learning Annex.
The U.S. Senate passed border control legislation Wednesday
by a huge margin. It builds a triple wall along the Mexican border
that's twenty feet high. The next day, Mexico's legislature passed
a bill making twenty-one-foot ladders a civil right.
Condoleezza Rice told senators Thursday that she supports
legislation to curb the spread of shoulder-fired missiles in
foreign countries. She's already thinking like an NFL commissioner.
She wants America to be the only country with Brett Favre.
Hillary Clinton refused to be specific on illegal
immigration in a speech to Hispanics Thursday. She said the Senate
has a coalition for comprehensive reform. You can tell she fired
all her landscapers because she is doing all the hedging now.
Bill Clinton and former President Bush dined with Ellen
DeGeneres following their joint appearance at Tulane's
commencement Saturday. Former President Bush felt like a fifth
wheel. This is one time where Bill Clinton didn't need a chaperone.
The FBI began digging up a horse farm in Michigan Thursday
looking for Jimmy Hoffa. The agents got a tip from a local prison
inmate and started digging. The inmate deserves the Tom Sawyer
Award for getting someone else to plow your farm.
Saddam Hussein's Mercedes was seized in New Haven Friday
from a Reservist who bought it in Iraq. It's armored, bulletproof,
has a wet bar and shoots flames out the side. We just sent two
hundred thousand troops to liberate Iraq from James Bond.
Washington Nationals owner Ted Lerner got to work on a new
stadium Friday. A stadium built in Washington has special
construction requirements. They have to install tables over all
the ticket windows so the money can change hands under them.
Iran's parliament passed a law Friday requiring Christians and Jews to wear badges. The bill still has to be approved by Iran's Supreme Guide, Ali Khamenehi, before becoming law. He's just hired Mel Brooks to consult on the casting of Hitler.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton