Jewish World Review May 10, 2006 / 12 Iyar, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig awarded the Washington
Nationals to a group headed by Ted Lerner Friday. He's eighty.
Baseball's accounting is so crooked they won't approve a new owner
unless there's a good chance his eyesight and hearing are failing.
Patrick Kennedy entered rehab at the Mayo Clinic Friday
after a car crash he was unable to remember. His family is so
relieved. It's the first time a Kennedy ever came out of a
blackout with everybody's life intact and their panties still on.
White House aides were reported shocked Monday by the depth
of the opposition to the nomination of Gen. Mike Hayden for CIA
Director. They were also shocked by the Harriet Miers opposition
and shocked by the opposition to the Dubai Ports deal. They really
need to move the water cooler away from the electric heater.
Al-Qaeda plotter Zacarias Moussaoui tried to change his plea
on Monday. He is unnerved by reports from prison. He heard that
other inmates considered him the lowest form of lowlife but were
willing to accept him because a virgin's a virgin.
Great Britain released the results Monday of a four-year
government study of unidentified flying objects in England. They
say evidence indicates alien life forms simply don't exist. Once
we declared our independence, they became our problem.
Senator John Kerry told reporters in Iowa Saturday it's way too early to begin talking about a presidential run in 2008. He had a perfectly plausible reason for being there. Iowa's well- known as the windsurfing capital of the Midwest.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton