Jewish World Review May 8, 2006 / 10 Iyar, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Congressman Patrick Kennedy announced he's entering rehab
after crashing his car while sleep-driving on prescription
medication. His family is there for him. For the next twenty-eight
days he will occupy the Kennedy Chair at the Mayo Clinic.
CIA officials were investigated Friday for arranging hookers
for congressmen at the Watergate Hotel. It could prompt another
protest march by illegal aliens. Every morning the hotel maid
finds at least a thousand dollars in the sofa cushions.
Paramount and the Los Angeles Times are under fire for a
Mission Impossible promotion. They wired theme-playing music boxes
in news racks. People see the wires and then call the bomb squad,
who are only trained to defuse Kevin Costner movies.
Bill Clinton agreed Thursday to address a Fox News retreat.
The network spent its first five years trying to get rid of him.
Growing up in Arkansas he never imagined the day he would frame a
hundred-thousand-dollar check rather than cash it.
ABC's Commander in Chief starring Geena Davis was canceled
Thursday. The show was given a fair chance. Viewers tuned in for
eight weeks and when they didn't get any food stamps, subsidized
housing or free health insurance, they stopped watching.
Congress dropped to a new low twenty-five percent approval
rating Friday. It is all in self-defense. Americans today cannot
imagine how life could be any more anxious and complicated and
expensive than it already is, but Congress can.
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist attended the Kentucky
Derby on Saturday at Churchill Downs in Louisville. It was more of
the same. He got withering looks from everybody at the window when
he tried to put a hundred bucks on Gas Tax Rebate.
Al-Qaeda plotter Zacarias Moussaoui was sent to a prison in Colorado Thursday with the Unabomber, Oklahoma City bomber and World Trade Center bomber. It's the harshest prison in America. When Bob Hope entertained there the girl in the show was Janet Reno.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton