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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
May 11, 2006
/ 13 Iyar, 5766
When nightly news stories go off script
By
Malcolm Fleschner
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Like most American news consumers, I enjoy the kind of offbeat, heartwarming or downright unbelievable stories that are frequently
inserted into the last few minutes of the local evening newscast. These stories typically resonate with viewers because they often
follow a familiar script — the trucker who emerges from a coma 10 years after running his 18-wheeler off a highway embankment, the
mother grizzly bear at the local zoo who adopts and starts raising a wayward kitten or the 26-year-old stripper and 89-year-old
billionaire oil tycoon who fall in love and get married.
The only problem is that when you revisit the story, it often becomes clear that the characters involved have forgotten about the
"happily ever after" part. Check back in and you discover that less than a month after being released from the hospital, the coma
victim's already been pulled over twice for DUI; the adopted kitten mysteriously went missing one day — coincidentally on the same
day that the zookeepers fell behind schedule with the feeding; and a year after the wedding the elderly billionaire has died, revealing
in his personal papers that the whole time his young bride had only been after one thing: sex.
One high-profile example of this sort of scripted-event-gone-wrong took place last year with the story of Jennifer Wilbanks, a young
bride-to-be who appeared to come down with the worst case of cold feet in recorded pre-marital history. At first the nation was
captivated by this real-life Runaway Bride who disappeared just a few days before she was scheduled to get married in the presence
of 600 guests and roughly 250 metric tons' worth of chiffon covering her bridesmaids. That the whole scenario mirrored the plot of a
popular movie was just the icing on our round-the-clock cable news coverage cake.
True, the script wasn't exactly perfect. In the hands of a capable Hollywood screenwriter the bride-to-be would have hung on until the
actual wedding day, and then, just before the exchange of "I do's," literally taken flight, preferably by fashioning two fire
extinguishers and a chafing dish into a makeshift jet pack.
But the story was good enough, or at least it was until the unfortunate truth about Wilbanks' unbalanced mental state began to
emerge. "Honey, do you remember Julia Roberts getting arrested for calling the police from an Albuquerque bus station with phony
allegations of kidnapping and sexual assault?" a perplexed nation of viewers was left to wonder. "And where the hell is Richard
Gere?"
Two other folks who recently failed to fulfill their proper roles during an otherwise well-scripted national media event were Elbert and
Becky Higginbotham, an Oregon couple who disappeared for two weeks in March when their RV got stuck in a snowdrift on a
remote logging road. The coverage of their daring, last-minute rescue, including all the requisite scenes of tearful reunions with
family members, was duly beamed out across the nation.
But then the story took an unexpected twist when, just a few days after their rescue, the couple went missing again. What are the
odds, right? Wait, before you answer that question, you should know that among the viewers of the joyous rescue scene were
members of the Arizona state police, who were also looking for the missing couple, if for slightly different reasons. It turned out that
the Higgenbothams had been purposely maintaining a low profile in Oregon since fleeing arrest warrants on drug and weapons
charges in Arizona. Whoops! Readers will be relieved to learn that the couple has been located again, and should be safe from snow
drifts once their extradition to face trial in Arizona is completed.
Speaking of criminal acts, my faith in the chances that a deliciously offbeat story may actually live up to its billing was restored
recently by the master of illusion himself, David Copperfield. Accosted by armed thieves one night last week after a performance,
the magician used his sleight-of-hand skills to palm his wallet and cell phone, fooling the would-be-muggers into believing that his
pockets were empty. Talk about an everyday application of job skills! This is not something that the average CPA could pull off.
Needless to say, experts agree this may be Copperfield's greatest off-stage performance since he tricked supermodel Claudia
Schiffer into dating a magician for six years.
While I appreciate how well Copperfield performed in this almost-too-good-to-be-true story, I admit there's still room for improvement.
A better version would have had the magician turning the tables on one of the thieves by saying, "Why rob me when you've already
got plenty of money? Why look, there's a quarter right here behind your ear." And then he would vanish in a puff of smoke. Or
maybe the Runaway Bride could grab him up while flying by with her jet pack. Just as long as he sticks to the script.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.
Previously:
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning
© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner
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