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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
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Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
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The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
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Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
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David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
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January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
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January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
May 10, 2006
/ 12 Iyar, 5766
Sit down for this one
By
Brad Dickson
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Did you ever go to the circus and see twenty clowns climb out of one car? You may soon get to witness the aviation equivalent
of that feat
Airbus has reportedly pitched a "standing room only" option to certain Asian carriers that calls for creating a section where
passengers are propped against padded backboards, and then held in place with harnesses. What you've just read is not a
misprint.
This innovation may soon spread to commercial airlines throughout the U.S., who are running out of traditional ways to degrade,
debase and humiliate passengers. Imagine propping people against padded backboards and strapping them in with harnesses for
hours? Air travel has bottomed out when passengers resemble a David Blaine stunt gone wrong.
In addition, some U.S. airlines have been quietly slipping six extra seats onto planes, creating borderline inhumane crowding
conditions, making airlines identical to airborne Turkish prisons, if Turkish prisons had less appealing restroom facilities.
Not only are they cramming more passengers onto planes, but the seats are getting smaller as the passengers' luggage
gets bigger, with carry-on bags with wheels attached now resembling stretch Humvees as passengers freely roll them onto the
plane, scattering other passengers like bowling pins.
No wonder Hare Krishnas fled the airports, being linked to commercial airlines was bad for their reputations.
Between the long lines at security checkpoints, the invasive security patdowns (which used to be called "getting to second
base"), the quality and dearth of food, and the high fuel-related costs, the best thing about airline travel is now the barely
English-speaking reservation agent who answers the 800-line in New Delhi, and mispronounces Phoenix.
Remember the good old days? Those halcyon days when flights weren't crowded, costs were reasonable, and there was
no concern about terrorism? Remember when male passengers actually put on a coat and tie? Now before flying I don a rubber suit
to protect me from the projectile vomit of the drunken pilots.
I miss those days when flying was so special people dressed up, when passengers didn't look like refugees fleeing a
natural disaster. I saw a passenger recently wearing nothing but a bathrobe and flip flops, which I wouldn't have minded so
much had the guy bothered to tie his robe.
I've also seen an entire family board a cross country flight in their bathing suits. So the good news is next time the airlines
lose my luggage I'll just wrap a pilfered Holiday Inn towel around my waist and head for the airport, I'll fit right in.
Meanwhile, airlines have actually upgraded their first class sections, with in-seat massagers and "lie flat" seats on
international flights.
The resulting schism between first class and coach creates a divide the likes of which hasn't been seen since before the
fall of the Berlin Wall. The uncomfortable feeling as one walks past the Haves (First Class passengers) into the Have Not (Coach)
section has grown exponentially more uncomfortable.
I used to enjoy flying. The declining quality of airline travel has resulted in that no longer being the case. The following is a
short list of things I'd rather do than board a commercial airliner.
- Undergo root canal
- Spend a weekend locked in a tiny room with my mother-in-law
- Take away meat from a hungry pit bull
- Take away a jelly roll from my mother-in-law
- Watch an NBC television program
- Go hunting with Dick Cheney dressed as a quail
Meanwhile, nearly all the airlines are struggling financially. Collectively the airlines couldn't do worse if they were taking
investment advice from MC Hamer, and Mike Tyson was in charge of the pension plan. Airline bankruptcies are now as ubiquitous
as airline crying babies. And so in order to save money they keep cutting back on "amenities" so many of which have been
eliminated the only "amenities" left are bags of salt with a couple pretzels inside, and the oxygen masks, which will probably
soon be replaced with much cheaper nose plugs to be used in event of a water landing.
So go ahead, try to make a profit by selling standing room only tickets. Don't stop there. Stucco passengers onto wheel
wells. Super-Glue us to the wings. Cram in ten more paying passengers by removing the restrooms and telling people to "just
hold it, we're almost there."
And by all means, harness us to padded walls. A harness is a term generally associated with horses, who are amongst the
dumbest of animals, but are still intelligent enough to not fly commercial.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here.
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