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Jewish World Review May 1, 2006 / 3 Iyar, 5766 Airlines to stow passengers in overhead bins By Andy Borowitz Bold new strategy to boost sagging revenues http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Struggling with rising fuel costs and sagging profits, several leading airlines announced today that they would attempt to boost their revenues by stowing passengers in their aircrafts' overhead bins. After Airbus announced earlier this week that it was toying with the idea of introducing standing room areas for passengers in the rear of their planes, the airlines decided that the time was right to pitch the idea of stowing passengers in a part of the plane that has customarily been reserved for carry-on luggage. "Stowing passengers in the overhead bins should allow us to squeeze a few extra dollars out of every flight, and right now, every extra dollar counts," said Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for the airlines group. "Plus, since they'll be stuffed up there for the duration of the flight, we won't have to give them peanuts." While the proposal to stow passengers in the dark, cramped compartments was hailed by the airline industry as a bold innovation, consumer watchdog groups complained that the option of riding in the overhead bins would not be available to tall or obese passengers. Ms. Foyler acknowledged that the overhead bins would mainly be used to stow "smaller, more compact passengers," but said larger passengers could check themselves as luggage and be stored in the cargo hold. "The only caveat is that if you check yourself as luggage you are dramatically increasing your chances of being lost forever," she said. Andy's Archives Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. BOROWITZ'S LATEST "The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers"   This book has page after page of "news stories" too hot, too controversial, too   —   yes, shocking   —   for the mainstream press to handle. Sales help fund JWR. Comment by clicking here. JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. © 2006, Andy Borowitz

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