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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
May 10, 2005
/ 1 Iyar, 5765
Person for Ethical Treatment of Audiences
By
Joel Stein
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Though I think animals are only good for eating and keeping Eddie Murphy from making live-action movies, I love the people from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. They're the only political entity with any sense of fun. Sure, homelessness and AIDS might be more pressing, but those guys seldom throw paint on anyone.
So when I heard that PETA was protesting the premiere of "Monster-in-Law," I told them I was in. Their angle was that J.Lo, who stars in the film, has fur in her new clothing collection and, for reasons I don't quite follow, wearing animals is far worse than eating them.
My reason for protesting "Monster-in-Law" was far more relevant: It is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Studios need to stop greenlighting this garbage, now.
My first dilemma as I drove to the National Theater in Westwood was that I stopped by In-N-Out on the way. No amount of Listerine strips was going to hide my burger breath.
This was particularly stupid because the only people who over-empathize with adorable animals are hot women. If fetuses could just cute up a little, pro-life protests would get a lot more coverage.
My second problem was that I couldn't simultaneously hold both my signs, which read, "Stop cruelty to people!" and "Ban stupid movies!"
Luckily there were 200 people there, and not nearly enough signs. So I gave my extra sign to protester Frank Saez, who I'm pretty sure didn't bother to read it. He was, however, sympathetic to my argument. "I've never liked any of her movies," Saez said of J.Lo. "If I see she's starring in a movie, I don't even look at it."
After about 30 minutes, Saez finally read the sign and exchanged it for one that said something about raccoons being skinned alive.
If Saez had been stuck in a screening room seeing Jane Fonda throw her 50th screaming tantrum, he would have begged to be that raccoon.
My favorite thing about liberal protesters is how respectful they are of other liberal protesters, no matter how stupid their cause. Everyone was nice to me.
When Saez was done with my sign, instead of throwing it out or giving it back, he found some tape and secured it prominently to a space high up on a wall. I was starting to understand why those WTO protests don't make any sense.
Lisa Goldman, who had protested animal testing at UCLA the day before, also backed my cause. "It looks insipid," she said of the film.
Still, despite my persuasive arguments, people seemed to stay pretty focused on the skinning-animals-alive angle. I couldn't get them to stop yelling "J.Lo! Fur ho!" and listen to me complain about the lack of Michael Vartan's character arc. It's hard to get film criticism to rhyme. I had new respect for Gene Shalit.
Flanked by raccoon and fox mascots, a woman ran around with a flat-screen strapped to her chest, showing a movie that juxtaposed photos of Jennifer Lopez in fur and foxes being de-pelted. Though the film did make a point about animal cruelty, I thought it did an even better job illustrating my point, because it was a lot better than "Monster-in-Law."
It was then that I spotted, jammed in a horde of protesters, two UCLA freshmen holding a sign with a collage of "Monster-in-Law" star Vartan that read, "Roses are red, violets are blue, you are so hot!!! Even my mom loves you too!!"
The Vartan fans were not upset that the protest had pretty much destroyed their chance of seeing their hero. They were also not dismayed by my warning about how bad the movie was. As you'd expect from Vartan fans, they were unshakably upbeat.
"He's very handsome," said Hang Do, who had been infatuated ever since seeing "Never Been Kissed." "There's just something nice about him." J.Lo, however, "should know better."
I agreed. Unlike Vartan, J.Lo is at the point in her career where she can wait for better scripts. But as much as I tried to persuade my fellow protesters to quickly switch gears, my brave protest of one never expanded.
"I think your cause is worthy," said Allison Ezell, the PETA campaign coordinator. "You just need a better networking system. I'm sure there would have been people from around the world if they knew. Ben Affleck would join you. I'm sure Matt Damon would have been even more excited to come."
Even though protesting, no matter how worthy the cause, is the most boring, repetitive waste of time I had experienced since seeing "Monster-in-Law," I was glad to be part of disrupting a premiere.
Not that you shouldn't try to get attention for your film and throw a party to celebrate the release. But people shouldn't be interested in the media's coverage of these generic nonevents.
And if I could help turn one into a real event, then I feel like I've contributed to improving the 21st century version of news.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Joel Stein is a Los Angeles Times columnist. Comment by clicking here.
05/02/05 From Horror to Simply Horrible
04/26/05 Rin Tin Tin Ate My Homework
04/18/05 For an Intergalactic Wedgie, Stand Right Here
04/12/05 Drew, Babaloo, Barf and Boston
04/05/05 I regret finally learning how to get to Sesame Street
03/21/05 Counting curses and blunt-force injuries
© 2005 Los Angeles Times
Distributed by Los Angeles Times Syndicate
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