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Jewish World Review May 26, 2005 / 9 Iyar, 5765 Beige is not better By Marianne M. Jennings
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
I barely do movies, so sequels are out of the question. I did not realize until 2005, when AMC ran the Rocky movies for weeks, that Apollo Creed had moved on to the great ring in the sky. I recall Star Wars only because George Lucas drew us back into that once-upon-a-time when there was black and white. Darth Vader was evil writ large. He reminded us that sometimes you can't negotiate with folks who can kill you with the breath beneath a radiator helmet. Captured storm troopers could not be represented by attorneys if we were going to retake the galaxy. Amnesty International had even taken a break — I believe they and the International Red Cross were the laid-back creatures in the local galaxy bar,
My sons tell me that the newest volume of Star Wars (I have lost track of which one this is, and the reverse numbering makes it difficult to do the math) finds Darth Vader crippled with angst over natural childbirth's challenges and risks. What happened to C-sections in the future? Did the medical malpractice lawyers deprive us of those, too? To hear that Darth Vader's dark side resulted from fear of childbirth tells me that Beigeists now control the universe.
Moral relativists, the politically correct, and, I am quite certain, Barney and Sponge Bob were not wholly satisfied with gray's too-close-for-comfort relationship to black and white/ right and wrong. Black and white were too judgmental. Gray was a painful reminder of both. So, gray has been muted, softened with many shades so that our habitats, our standards, our politicians, and even Darth Vader boast of beige. Beige does not offend. Beige does not have definitive boundaries. Beige blends. Beige goes with everything and anyone. Beige is beautiful. Beige is political expediency disguised as feigned compassion, compromise, and composure.
David Brooks is the Beigeists' king of pundit writing. The New York Times took this former Wall Street Journal and Weekly Standard writer/editor and made him their token conservative. I ask you, dear reader, can a man who refers to us folks in the suburbs as "Bobos" be entirely on our side? The Times loves his "detached" observations. Beigeists don't have any other kind of observation because they must remain calm, serene, convictionless, tolerant, wishy-washy — all the things that make John McCain, well, John McCain. Mr. Brooks cannot write an editorial without an apology, to wit:
Does this Beigeist not understand aiding and abetting the enemy? But, he did describe the Beigeist senators' agreement problems to a tee:
How proud to be a Beigeist. Gutless Beigeists change the subject when we trot too much into black and white territory and begin hatching a little outrage. During the Terri Schiavo judicial debacle I heard a medical ethics expert say that the truly awful aspect of the case was the invasion of privacy. Right, Doc Beige. We were starving a woman to death based on passing conversations and little medical evidence and a Beigeist frets, "Folks, folks, let's not talk about this out loud."
Androgyny is a Beigeist goal because everyone would look the same. Beigeists believe men and women can serve beautifully together in the military. The women coming home with no limbs, sexual assault memories, and occasionally, toddlers conceived in the trenches wearing t-shirts that read, "My mom fought in the Iraq war and got me," are certainly proof of Beige insight on this social program.
"No!" The answer is an unequivocal "No!" Beigeists are only beige when it is convenient. What is beige about PETA? The ACLU? Greenpeace? Beigeists exist only to rein in those who disagree with leftists. The flaw in being a Beigeist is the assumption that beige is better. Bright colors show good, bad, nutty, and all the flavors in between. In an increasingly beige world, I long for color's clarity. A coup by the Beigeists would mean no decisions, no bottom lines, no criticisms, and no unwavering principles. We would negotiate perpetually with terrorists, find counseling for murderers, genuflect to the French and EU, and turn the government over to judges who are not elected so that Beigeists would not be plagued by positions and difficult votes. Let the judges do it, as approved by all 14 of the Beigeists in the Senate. Back-room politics lives again, courtesy of the Beigeists.
Beigeists survive because the media love them. The media are McCain's constituency. Both the media and the Beigeists hate President Bush because he hasn't even made it from black and white into gray. Brandishing pens and touting in vitro babies, he has threatened to veto Congress on its plan for tossing potential life into the Petri dishes and research bins. He will not go beige on the war on terror. John Bolton has no beige on or in him, right down to the distinctive mustache. Janice Rogers Brown, Priscilla Owen, and William Pryor — not exactly beige judges. Colorful nonconformists frighten Beigeists. They will not rest until every issue, every person, every program, every judge, looks beige.
Educators now suggest that grading students' papers in red is too stark and damaging for them. They suggest alternative colors. When I read about red, I began using a red Sharpie pen on my students' papers so that the ink soaked through and it looked like they had even more mistakes. Perhaps we should grade in beige — nothing would ever show. Nothing would ever have marks of right and wrong. The next Star Wars sequel will have the storm troopers in beige with a script written by David Brooks and 14 senators ruling the universe so that everyone can get along. The only challenge for the Beigeists will be to quell rebellions by those who remember the power of the Force. It will be with them, and it isn't beige. Colors conquer. Muteness does not.
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JWR contributor Marianne M. Jennings is a professor of legal and ethical studies at Arizona State
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© 2005, Marianne M. Jennings |
Mitch Albom | |||||||||||
