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Jewish World Review May 5, 2005 / 26 Nissan, 5765 This TV wins by a nose By David Grimes
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
If you thought there was no way TV could rot your mind further, Sony is (allegedly) developing a set that emits odors as well as pictures.
Call it Smell-O-Vision.
According to what I read on the Internet, which as we all know is never wrong, the TV set emits ultrasonic frequencies that activate the brain's sense of smell.
Depending on the program you're watching, this could be a good thing or a bad thing.
Florida orange juice commercials? Good thing.
Commercials for toe-fungus remedies? Bad thing.
Sara Lee commercials? Good thing.
Kitty litter commercials? Bad thing.
Italian cooking show? Good thing.
Campfire scene from the movie "Blazing Saddles"? Very, very bad thing.
The "ultrasonic frequencies" that are beamed into your brain also raise some concerns. What happens if lightning hits close to your house while you're watching (and sniffing) "Dawn of the Dead"? Does the invigorating aroma of rotting zombie flesh suddenly get kicked up to the point that white smoke curls out of your ears?
And then there is the whole issue of pets. My two pug dogs, Satan I and Satan II, basically go into low orbit whenever someone even walks in the vicinity of the jar that holds their biscuit treats. I'm not sure how they'd react to the odors emanating from a Gravy Train commercial, but my guess would be two pug-shaped holes in my television screen.
If this new technology ever comes to pass (personally, I smell a hoax, which oddly enough has an odor reminiscent of Cherry Garcia ice cream), people will have to open their windows every time they watch a National Geographic special. I'm sure bats are wonderful creatures that contribute greatly to the Earth's ecology, but I really don't want to get a whiff of the caves they live in just as I'm lifting that first succulent forkful of Hamburger Helper to my mouth.
There's a lot of the evening news that I'd just as soon steered clear of my olfactory senses, too. Landfill fires, sewage spills and airplane crashes are just a few of the things that don't require enhancement. (I'm also pretty sure I don't want to get a whiff of whatever cologne the sports anchor is wearing.)
If Smell-O-Vision is the wave (waft?) of the future, I may have to take the drastic step of snapping off the tube and reading a book or reacquainting myself with my wife. (I'll start off with easy questions first, like her name.)
At the very least, I might invest in a lead-lined helmet to protect what's left of my brain from ultrasonically propelled bat-doot odors.
And maybe an electronic fence to keep the dogs from launching themselves through the screen.
Because I don't know if you've priced big-screen TVs lately, but they aren't cheap.
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JWR contributor David Grimes is a columnist for The Sarasota Herald Tribune. Comment by clicking here. © 2005, Sarasota Herald Tribune |
Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
