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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
May 11, 2005
/ 2 Iyar, 5765
Plague of runaway-itis coming?
By
Brad Dickson
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
President Bush just dined with Vladimir Putin. We have a new Pope. North Korea may be preparing to test dangerous missiles. Still, none of these people or events can quite generate the kind of publicity as the "Runaway Bride."
I'd mention her real name, but it no longer matters, for all practical purposes her name is now Runaway Bride. If this couple actually goes ahead with the ceremony, the minister will say, "Do you take the Runaway Bride to be your lawfully...." If she lives to 100 her obituary will read "Runaway Bride Passes."
The amazing thing is this story has "legs." It won't go away, like a bad rash, or relatives with B.O. who are still hanging in your living room watching TV Land a week after Thanksgiving. Here in Los Angeles not only was the Runaway Bride a bigger story than the fall of Baghdad, Y2K and Elian Gonzalez combined, but we just had a "Runaway Groom." A guy fell off the face of the earth right before his wedding and showed up a month later. He was thirty-five pounds lighter after going 4 weeks without much food or shelter. (Possible explanation: before getting hitched he wanted to experience what divorce was like.)
With June the busiest month for weddings I'm sure the highways will soon be clogged with bumper-to-bumper traffic of fleeing brides and grooms. We are a nation of copycats, after all. This may lead to a wild assortment of folks who suddenly get cold feet. We could soon have the following on our hands.
THE RUNAWAY PRESIDENT: After realizing just how high the national debt has climbed and the microscope he's about to live under, the president-elect in 2008 up and flees. At first foul play by an unknown conspirator (Al Quaeda? The French?) is suspected, until the president-elect is discovered (with his thinning hair cut off to conceal his identity) behind some Virginia think tank playing tee ball or golf. He apologizes profusely in a national address, and resumes his job, with the other party snippily taking potshots for the next four years at the "Runaway Commander in Chief" as they derisively refer to him.
THE RUNAWAY LAKERS: When it dawns on them how dim their future prospects are, combined with the fact Kobe Bryant could have them traded at any moment, the other eleven players on the Lakers get cold feet before the opening game next season and flee. Everyone in L.A. (except for Kobe, who says he doesn't need the other eleven guys) fan out and search for the missing Lakers, who are found on a Reno playground losing a pick up game to a group of nine-year-olds.
THE RUNAWAY PROSECUTOR: After realizing at this point he could call his own mother to the stand and have her betray him by stating she thinks Michael is really OK, the Michael Jackson prosecutor suddenly high tails it out of California. He's so overworked and stressed he's located moonwalking down the Atlantic City boardwalk humming "Billie Jean."
THE RUNAWAY AMERICAN IDOL JUDGE: After all the scandalous publicity of late Paula Abdul flees the show in the middle of a morbidly obese contestant's reggae rendition of The Coaster's "Charlie Brown." Losing her sweet, genial personality Paula screams that the contestant "sounds like a drunk William Hung doing karaoke." Paula is later discovered holed up at Frankie Muniz' L.A. estate. She returns to American Idol, and Frankie returns the nine cell phones Paula gave him.
THE RUNAWAY TODAY SHOW HOST: After reading all the negative press combined with the sinking Today Show ratings, Katie Couric gets cold feet before the next Sweeps period and goes on the lamb. Her whereabouts remain a mystery, as nobody bothers looking for her. Two minutes after Couric flees, the Today Show names her replacement and paints over her name in the NBC parking lot. It a bizarre twist, it's erroneously reported that after Katie flees Matt Lauer cuts off all his hair to conceal his identity. It's later realized Lauer's hair was already like that.
THE RUNAWAY BRIDE PART II: After realizing she's just committed to spending eternity with a boring, stuffy, elitist, large-eared, Mama's boy, Camilla Parker-Bowles hitches a ride to Venice, Italy where she falls in love with a $6 an hour gondolier and lives happily ever after.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here.
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