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Jewish World Review
May 6, 2005
/ 27 Nissan, 5765
Kim Jong-Il fires Jacko into sea of Japan
By
Andy Borowitz
Last-ditch attempt to grab world headlines
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
After North Korea's firing of a test missile over the weekend failed to garner the world headlines he had anticipated, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raised the ante today, launching the singer Michael Jackson into the Sea of Japan.
Mr. Jackson, strapped to the side of a short-range ballistic missile, was launched at approximately 8:00 AM and splashed down in the Sea of Japan twelve minutes later.
According to an aide to Mr. Kim, the mercurial North Korean madman was "furious" after U.S. newspapers and cable news channels virtually ignored his missile launch over the weekend to cover the "runaway bride" story instead.
"Kim came to the conclusion that the only way he could get the news media to cover his missile tests was if he could somehow involve Michael Jackson in the story," the aide said. "That's when the plan to launch Michael Jackson into the Sea of Japan was hatched."
After the North Korean government made overtures to the Jackson camp at Neverland Ranch, the two sides reached a deal in which the self-styled King of Pop would agree to be strapped to the side of the rocket if Mr. Kim would take care of the singer's mounting legal bills.
Delighted by the attention the Jackson launch has attracted, the North Korean dictator announced that this weekend he would launch Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie into the Sea of Japan.
Elsewhere, a Buffalo, New York firefighter who awoke after ten years in a coma said he was thrilled to have missed Mariah Carey's entire film career.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
Andy's Archives
© 2005, Andy Borowitz
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